Both Sides, Now
by lils03
Summary: Lily and James are in their seventh year and they both look back on the same events, yet have completely different outlooks. Lily is the untouchable vixen, where as James is the sexiest prat to ever step foot in Hogwarts.
1. Prologue

Alright, if this is shown as a update, I am truly sorry. I was looking through this story the other day and I saw some mistakes in my beginnings and just little things that were very noticeable. To say the least, it drove me up the wall. Is perfectionism a personality flaw? Not that I am perfect…but anyways, I was just doing some spring cleaning on this story, there is still much more to come.

Just a hint, if you do stick around to read this, at the end of the last chapter I posted, there's the beginning of the new chapter I am writing, tell me what you think.

Thanks

Jill

**_Rating: This story is rated R for language and for sexual references_**

**_Disclaimer: I really don't own anything in this story; all things that I wrote about were based off of J.K Rowling's series._**

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_**Both Sides, Now**_

**_Prologue_**

_**Lily**_

'_Rows and flows of angel hair'_

_Love is a very complex thing; it's full of passion, faith, life and death. Two completely different words in that, life and death. It's funny because love can bring life - it can bring life into the coldest heart or it can bring life into the depths of winter when there is no other hope, and this is where faith comes in. Well actually it's more like blind faith. Love can mean taking the greatest plunge of your life and hoping that all the wrongs will right themselves. This is what's known as faith._

_Then there is passion; the fiery heat that consumes even the best of us, though no one can achieve passion without opening their cold, lifeless heart to the faith of love. At the end of the cycle, death. Now not all love ends in death, some may even start with it. But death is what we all dread, that one day our blissful, passionate relationship will end. For some this may have happened more than once, and then there are the exceptional few who have not felt it, but they are the ones that have clearly not taken that blind leap of faith into love. Some may think that this outlook is specifically for lovers, for couples, but it's truly for all of us._

_And may I correct myself when I said that some have not felt death. The fact is that everyone loves someone. I know it sounds like some horrible cliché, but I can guarantee that everyone has felt the passion and life in love, whether it be a parent and sibling or a significant other, everyone will fall into its trap. Everyone will fall into its trap and give their soul and life and everything they have into love, and that is when death comes, when you have poured your life into it. Yes, indeed it does sound depressing, but what isn't really? My life was depressing until I felt love. Believe it, I was one of those cold heartless people who felt all I needed in life was my mind and spirit. But believe me when I say, boy was I wrong. Before I met him I was free, I was independent, I was lonely but what the hell I was free, free to do as I wished, when I wished and where I wished. Then he came into my little world and shook me off my high horse that I was sitting on into a new world. Into his world, a world where I felt passion, I felt life; I believed and eventually felt death. But when asked if I would do it again I would, without hesitation, answer with my head bobbing up and down foolishly. Because as I said, it's a trap, once you get it, you can never get out. You constantly crave it. In my case, I craved for his lips, for his touch. I would give my soul to run my hands through his hair. He's my little addiction, my sin. For six long years I could have cared less about the world around me and much less the people in it. One boy tried to enter my haven: I rejected him. For the past two years he tried again and again to break down my barrier. And believe me, once he did it wasn't the only barrier he broke of mine. Last year, when my guard was down, he stumbled into my world and shook it as hard as he could. That was when I fell; I took that plunge and fell into his arms, into passion, into life. I, the unshakeable Lily Evans had been shaken by the irresistible James Potter, my addiction, my sin._

_Now this entire mess started in my fifth year at Hogwarts. I was minding my own business studying in the Gryffindor common room - well since it was two years ago, I can admit, I was looking at my Prefect badge, and I'm not afraid to deny it. James Potter strode into the room with his head held high and hands shoved deeply into his gray slack pockets. He was apparently whistling, but I never heard him. I was in my own little world as you remember. Well he sat down beside me and watched me turn the badge around in my fingers._

_"Very entrancing, isn't it?" he said._

_I must have jumped a foot in the air because when I landed he grinned. _

_"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. My friend – Remus - has been doing that to his a lot lately."_

_I nodded politely as I put it into my robe pocket, looking down into my lap to hide my blush. How did he just creep up on me like that? As I found out later, he is a very good sneaker. _

_"You're Lily Evans, right?" I nodded again; I tended to do that more than talk, kept me secretive. Guys dig secretive. "Well Lily it's nice to put a face to the name even if it has been five years, better late then never I always say."_

_The corner of my mouth twitched and I bit my lip. No wonder he's known for his charm. His elbow rested on the top of the couch inches from my shoulder, boy was it hot in there. He looked up at the ceiling; his neck stretched and his eyes darted toward the fireplace and then back to my face. _

_"And you are you?" I asked. He looked surprised. Well that's a bit of an understatement; he looked completely and utterly shocked. _

_But of course I knew who he was. He was the irresistibility sexy James Potter. I knew his type, playing low until they knew me well enough. Though at the time he was no different than any of the others who have tried this approach before, I would simply show or tell him I was not interested, which sometimes is not always easy._

_"I'm sorry, how terribly rude, I am James Potter," he said. I must say he covered up very nicely. He had a small grin on his face as he said this. _

_I put out my hand. "Well Mr. Potter, it is nice to put a name to the face, even if it has been five years. Though I can see that I couldn't but off meeting you any longer." _

_The corner of his eyebrow rose. I had a very sick feeling that he was somehow enjoying this. _

_We sat in silence for a while, and I could tell that his confidence was building as well as his ego; he was going to crack any second. _

_"Are you always this quiet, or is it just around incredibly handsome guys?" He smirked running his hand through his hair, nervous habit of his, I tried to break it, but I can see why it's so hard. _

_I sighed and rolled my neck to face him for the first time since he sat down. Green met chocolate, gross, green chocolate, but anyways I said, "Don't flatter yourself Mr. Potter, you're not the first one." I tucked my book under my arm and headed towards my dorm without looking back. This was the first of many defence strategies that I had to learn this year. With every step I took up the stairs, my heart sunk. For a moment down there, just for one moment, I let my guard down. But what really got me was the fact that he almost got in. For that instant he almost made me laugh and look at him with the same emotion that he has seen from nearly every girl in the school, lust. Then again it was truly a bittersweet rejection, which played out in my favour. He almost had taken his advantage over me with his suave Casanova lines, but oh no. I made him believe that he had gotten the best of me, which is partly true, and then completely ran it into his face. Bet Mr. Potter wasn't ready for that. Next time, he won't even get within ten feet of me. Because as I thought, I was untouchable. _

_**James** _

'_Clouds got in my way'_

_As every man knows we never give in, it's this dominance thing that seems to be in our blood and will be continually till the end of time. And with dominance comes challenge. So for example, let's take a lion, out in Africa. They are the pride of their land, they own it, they control it, they are in charge. Hence the name King of the Jungle. There is the leader of the pack, the great male; he's the hunter, the protector and the lover. So one day he could be strolling his land when he spots his prey, the delicious antelope. He slowly creeps up waiting for the precise moment and then BAM! He jumps towards the nearest one, but no, it got away. But not without a scratch. This lion now pursues his prey till its death, which won't be that long since he's just that good._

_Now imagine myself, James Potter, as the clever, cunning lion and Lily Evans as my antelope, my prey. My friends thought I was mad when I mentioned this. "Lily Evans?" they said. "Lily Evans? Are sure mate?" I nearly killed Peter when I said I was never been so sure in my life. My best mate Sirius just shook his shaggy head and Remus had a weird sort of smile on his face, personally it creeped me out a little. But I said it then and I will say it now, she is my challenge. I used that for a pick up line once, all I got was a hand print on my cheek, who would think mentioning that you are a guys challenge could made a girl so, so aggravated. But this time it's true, Lily Evans is my challenge._

_She was in solitude for the first five years of Hogwarts. I was planning on changing that straight away, the only problem was that I wasn't expecting her to be so damn hard. The first day that I realized this was right after I came back from the library and yes I was studying, is that so hard to believe? Well I walked into the Gryffindor common room to see Lily sitting on the sofa, her head hunched over, red tresses no doubt falling off her shoulders. I was whistling Somewhere Over the Rainbow, as I know now it's called. At the time it was just the tune of the song my mother used to sing to me as a child. I walked over and sat down beside her. She must not have noticed since the Prefect badge she was fiddling with was still exchanging fingers. This was when I first realized that it was going to be so hard, any girl that I have ever sat beside had always tensed up, like I was going to hurt them. I would never do that; sometimes I'm a bit…aggressive, but who isn't? She still didn't seem to notice me so I said, "Very entrancing, isn't it?" This finally brought her back to life, but really seemed to scare her; she jumped a few inches off the sofa when she heard my voice. I seemed to have that effect on all women._

_"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. My friend – Remus - has been doing that to his a lot lately." I said. This wasn't really true, Remus is not really that self-absorbed to be mesmerized by a shiny object, but he's about the only one in our group who would be able to say that without lying. I also wanted to make conversation. _

_She nodded slightly and stuffed the badge into her pocket, a blush rising in her pale face. I must have caught her off guard. _

_"You're Lily Evans right?" I asked. She nodded again, that secretive thing was really making me sweat. "Well Lily it's nice to put a name to the face even if it has been five years, better late then never I always say." This again was another lie, how could I have not known the smartest, sexiest girl in my year? This also concluded my second realization that this was a tough job, girls automatically started to giggle and squirm as soon as I began to talk to them. The most I got out of Lily was a little red in the checks and twitch at the corner of her mouth, that could just be because it's hot in there, well at least I thought it was. But trust me at that point that was all I needed and before I could tame my words they just came out. "Are you always this quiet, or is it just around incredibly handsome guys?" If she didn't slap me then I told myself I would be getting it later. I heard her sigh and then she turned to look at me for the first time. Chocolate mixed with green, hum interesting, green chocolate, that would be something worth trying, but anyways, I could see that I was very close to crossing the line, dangerously close, in fact I could have already done it. _

_"Don't flatter yourself Mr. Potter, you're not the first one." What the hell was that supposed to mean? Had more guys hit on her? Well I know the answer to that one, she's untouchable, but every guy from here to Timbuktu has tried to get a piece of her. But more importantly she spoke. She spoke to me! I know it sounds childish, but you just don't understand, this was Lily Evans, the saint, the good girl, the virgin, which despite rumours is true, I should know, because that was the best shag of my life. This was also strike three as the muggles call it, she had completely rejected the Potter charm. She led me to thinking that I was getting somewhere then WHAM! It's shoved up me arse. This is what fascinated me about her, it was and still is mind-boggling the power she had over me. Because as soon as she left I felt like the lowest piece of shit on the planet. She was just so innocent, it seemed like I just spoiled her with my words and intensions. But oh no, this was not going to get the best of me. Lily Evans is my challenge, my prey. _

**_Lily_**

'_It's cloud illusions I recall'_

_I did it, I did it, I kept telling myself, I beat the Potter Charm. Yes, he does have a name for his personality traits. The only way I knew this was because earlier on, at supper, the only available seat was two down from James, they happened to be talking about his newest victim, Samantha Turner. She was about the only girl in Hogwarts who showed more cleavage in a day than she showed brains in her five years there. This could be a statement clamed under jealousy, but no, I'm not that superficial. Well anyways I went into my room and flopped on my bed. How did he do this? I completely trashed him for getting fresh with me and then I was the one who felt crummy. Jerk. _

_Well sleep came very difficult for me that night, no boy had ever come that close. Around three I figured out that it was just a scare, a really big scare and that he would stay away from me for the rest of the year. God, was I blind._

_The next morning the only seat again open was next to James Potter. I sat down hoping that he wouldn't notice me, but since when had James ever missed a beat? I stared ahead looking at the dish of rolls, not daring to make eye contact. I could feel him looking at the side of my face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him open his mouth to say something, but someone else got his attention. _

"_James I – oh sorry mate," Sirius smirked as he glanced over to Peter and Remus. "Or should I say, sorry Lily, you were about to get very lucky." _

_Remus punched him hard on his shoulder and Peter covered his mouth to hide his laughter._

_I reached over and picked up a roll and stuffed it into my bag, "Not to worry Sirius, you just saved your friend from yet another disappointment. See you in class." _

_At that time Professor McGonagall came around to pass out our timetables for the year. She handed one to me and questioned me about the anger that was clearly visible in my eyes._

"_No one is bothering me Professor," I replied, shooting a cold look in James' direction. Funny enough he didn't appear to be looking up, instead his head hung over his plate, his fork picking through his hot cakes. I turned back and smiled at Professor McGonagall and left the great hall. God he had done it again, and this time he didn't even speak. What was so different about him to block out than Sirius, Severus, or Peter? It was his charm, I decided, that Potter Charm. I clenched my fists and stomped off to the dungeons for our first potions class._

_As I walked into the class I took a seat near the back - most people thought I would go for the front, but I like to change it up a little. Well, I sat down and started to pull out my textbook when the 'Marauders' walked in. Yes, that was and is what they call themselves; childish, very childish, yet strangely sexy on the right person. I looked at the four boys who apparently had just been told a wickedly good joke or pulled some stupid prank, or else they wouldn't have been laughing so hard. James caught my eye for a second and his laugh faded to a small smile. I bent my head and read the title of my book for the tenth time._

_I kept my head down, and slowly the class started to fill up with Gyffindors and Slytherins alike. I heard Professor Lange start scratching the ingredients to a very important potion on the board, but still I swore to myself that I would not look up. This did kill me, truly it did, I am a very studious person and when the opportunity to learn is there I snatch it like it's Honey duke's fudge. The main reason for not looking up was because James was sitting just in front of me, and no doubt, with his disregard for any standing rule, turned around in some odd way for it to not look noticeable, staring at me. I must admit I found that very flattering, then again I always did. I couldn't possibly imagine anyone looking at me of their own free will, even I wouldn't do that if I had the choice. I decided to take a chance and look up. James was not watching me, he was whispering over something with Sirius. One out of two isn't bad, he was breaking a rule. I took out my parchment and quill and began to copy down the notes. It took me awhile, it never usually did but today was different. Every two seconds I had to look at the back of James Potter's head, it was like a nervous habit, and I hated it. This boy was going to drive me insane, God he didn't even have to look at me to feel his power. _

_Finally the lesson ended, with only minor bumps and bruises. The brilliant idiot I know as Sirius Black decided it would be great fun to drop stink bombs into people's cauldrons when they weren't looking. The distraction was of course caused by James throwing some quiet insult at the boys, and disappearing before they could retaliate. Now with the girls, this was very entertaining to watch. He flirted with them, oh yes - there was another notch grooved into my heart; and generally had a date set up for the following night. Sirius never did anything to their potions though, he was too distracted by other assets of their bodies to care whether or not to place stink bombs in the pot of broiling sludge. _

_I shook my head as I walked out into the cold, damp corridor. I started to make my way to Transfigurations when a hand was placed on my shoulder. I spun around pulling my wand out of my robe. James' hand flew off my shoulder, and he raised both in the air. _

"_I just wanted to talk, no need for duelling." _

_I looked into his eyes and I saw honesty, respect and a touch of fear in them. My job was done. I put my wand away and continued to walk up the stairs. _

"_What is there to talk about, James?"_

_He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. " I just- I guess I just wanted to apologize for last night. I feel like I made you uncomfortable, and that was not very gentleman-like of me."_

_I turned around and looked him square in his face. Fear had defiantly become more dominant. _

"_Not very gentleman-like? When have you ever been gentleman-like?"_

_I turned back around and walked down the corridor, I could have cared less about what was running through his mind at the time, or maybe I did. I was very confused. The footsteps behind me seemed to stop; I kind of missed the sound. No sooner had I gotten used to silence three pairs of footsteps hurried up behind me, followed shortly by an arm being wrapped around my shoulder. _

"_Bugger off Sirius, I'm not in the mood." _

"_Wow you sound just like James." _

_That was when I snapped. I shrugged his arm of and slapped him across the cheek. He dropped his bag and reached into his robe for his wand._

"_Sirius, no," Remus warned. Sirius stopped and looked up at me from under his eyelashes. _

"_I told you, Black, that I wasn't in the mood. You play with fire you get burnt," I hissed. I gave a nod to Remus and Peter, who were now holding Sirius back and then went into the Transfiguration class room, to realize that this class would go the same way as Potions had. As for the other two classes that day refer back to potions. Then the classes for the rest of the year, again refer back to Potions._

**_James_**

'_Rain and snow on everyone'_

_The fire was very insightful that night, actually was more distracting than anything. I, for one, get distracted very easily which would make me a horrible lion, this contradicts with everything that I said about me being a lion, but that was for show I am really more like a stag. You know peaceful and quite, but when pissed, oh boy you better watch out. A stag is my animagus form. To be honest with you I was quite disappointed when I found out that was what I was, I was hoping for a lion, or something really cool. Sirius got a dog, quite and useful, especially on my behalf. I remember when he would change into his dog form and I would leash him and take him to the park, great ways to meet women with that dog, as a human he would just scare them off. Yes but I got a stag, very boring and its not a thing you see everyday so say good-bye to public appearances. A little after the beginning of this year Lily found out I was a stag, she thought it was cute. I love being a stag. But anyways, as you see I don't need a fire to get distracted, so that was a lie._

_I tore my eyes away from the flames just in time to see Lily enter her dorm. God she was a minx, completely irresistible. Why couldn't she be like Samantha Turner, fifth year Ravenclaw, now she was easy and cute, actually a bit too cute closer to the point of annoying really, what did I see in her again? Oh right breasts. My mistake. She was a good snog, when did this happen you ask? When I was in the library, sure I told you I was studying, but come on, when have I ever told the truth? Oh but she was completely out of mind my that night, my dreams were full of dancing green eyes that sparkled with laugher, that dream quickly turned into a nightmare about green chocolate, I don't think I'll try it after all. _

_The next morning I woke up a bit earlier than the others, first off to get away from the green chocolate men that were chasing me, and second off maybe to get a chance to talk to Lily. I was very sorry about the partaking's that happened last night and disparately wanted to apologize, but in the back of my head I knew that wasn't going to happen. So I sat down at the breakfast table, filling up my plate with, my favourite, hot cakes, when Lily came and sat right beside me. This thoroughly confused me since there were plenty of open seats, I thought she hated me? She didn't look my way, just sat down and stared, I looked at the side of her face and I could see in her eyes the anger raising. I opened my mouth to say a quick apology, that's how I do things, quickly yet straight to the point, apologizes among other things. Then Sirius so rudely interrupted me._

_"James I – oh sorry mate," He motioned toward Remus and Peter as the took the seats across from me, " or should I say, sorry Lily, you were about to get very lucky." God I was going to kill that man. _

_She reached over and picked up a breakfast roll and stuffed it in her bag, "Not to worry Sirius, you just saved your friend from yet another disappointment. See you in class." _

_What the hell was that supposed to mean? Is she speaking in code? What did Sirius save me from? He has never saved me in his life, its not like he ever needed to, but its always nice to have a back up plan don't you think? McGonagall decided to show up with her timetables at that exact moment, could they twist the knife in deeper. She asked Lily what was wrong and I could have sworn that she was going to say me and get me in my first detention of the year but no she said, "No one is bothering me Professor," and walked off. I could feel her stare at the back of my head as she was speaking, but I was to busy looking innocent, and the best way to do that was to not notice, I was being distracted by my hot cakes. See my misfortune comes in handy at times. _

_McGonagall left to hand out her sheets of death to the other students, turns out we have two classes with the Slytherins, Potions and Charms, that was two too many classes with them in my option. A few minutes later I looked up from my hot cakes to see Sirius smiling at me._

_"What?"_

_"You know what."_

_"Nope, I have no ide-" _

_"It's about Lily and don't act dumb around me." _

_I sighed and got up from the table, "Mate you know how it is with Lily, just drop it." I don't know why, but it really bothered me to have a friend talking about Lily in such a 'sexual' way. I know mentioning Lily in a sentence doesn't necessarily mean that it's in a sexual way, but when Sirius says it, it just automatically is. I walked away from the table, but they quickly caught up with food dropping out of their bags._

_"God James, can't you wait until after breakfast to through a fit, I would like to sit and eat sometimes." Peter said stuffing toast into his mouth._

_"Shut it Pete." Remus said hitting him on the shoulder, I shook my head, if those two don't end up killing each other it will amaze me. _

_"So James my boy, got any action lately, I know you're caught up on you-know-who Evans right now, but hey can't my boy have a little fun?" Sirius laughed hitting me hard on the back so I dropped my last piece of food on the floor._

_"Samantha Turner, last night, library about a seven." I answered. You see Padfoot and myself have a ranking system if you will for girls. One is a terrible snog and would highly recommend her to seeing Peter. While as ten is the best, which we would refer her to ourselves and keep her around for a while. You know for sport. _

_"What about Lily?" Peter asked. I stopped and turned around. Sirius rested a hand on my shoulder and had a sort of a smug look on his face, I hate him, he's much more enjoyable as a dog, better deposition. I chuckled to myself and kept walking._

_"If I was fortunate to get within ten feet of her with out having my head cut off, that alone would be worth an eleven."_

_Sirius shook his head, "You see mate that is where we differ, I would give her about a 8 or a 9 because no one is perfect. In my defence I have gotten within ten feet of her with minor scratches and even then she's not that good. She gorgeous, which goes without saying, but that temper, oh man that temper will get her in Azkaban."_

_I laughed and shook my head, "No mate, your horrible disposition will end you up there, and the thing is once you're in, you will flirt with the guard, man or women."_

_Sirius growled at me, dog coming through, and hit me on the back again, "I am very pleased to see that you have come to the fact that I am much more charming than you."_

_We all laughed at that one. It was a very rare occasion when Sirius came up with a comeback that made sense and plus it wasn't true, the whole joke of that was that he really thought he was better, I don't unleash the Potter Charm on just anyone. We walked into Potions just before the bell still laughing because Sirus had managed to trip on the last three steps. I looked around the classroom to see who was there, when a certain redhead at the back of the room caught my eye. We held each others gaze for a moment, my laugh turning into a gentle smile, or at least what I like to call gentle, some girls call it 'lusty', potato, potado, then I turned back to the guys. We took our seats as Professor Lange came into class, I took careful consideration on where to sit, it was either in front of Lily with Sirius, or beside Lily. I decided on the first since I didn't feel like shoving my tongue down her throat in the middle of Potions, there were Slytherins around and come on, it was bound to happen. Lange began to scribble down some ingredients on the board telling us that they were very important for our O.W.L's. Yah right, it's nothing Moony can't tell us the night before. _

_"Prongs," Sirius whispered._

_I nodded in his direction for him to know that I was listening, and he pulled a ratted piece of parchment out of his pack. _

_"Just one more thing needs to be added, I can't place my finger on it," Sirius said._

_I tapped my quill against my chin and stared at the Marauders Map, our pride and joy. If it were human, a women and old enough to shag, oh man I would do it every night. _

_"So?" he added._

_I took the map out of his hands and placed it on the table in front of me. I said the password under my breath and the school appeared before me. Every thing was labelled from the trick third step on the far east staircase to Dumbledore's fireplace, which comes in very handy for flewing. There were masses of dots in each classroom with the teachers marked. I found our class and Remus Lupin, Peter Petigrew, Sirius Black and James Potter written clearly where we were sitting. I saw a dot behind me that caught my eye, well there were dots on either side of me, but this one was different, I could tell that this one was Lily, then the idea hit me. _

_"Sirius, why don't we label the students, you know just like the teachers."_

_He looked like he was thinking for a moment and then smiled, "I love it, we can get Remus to do the rest of the charms tonight." _

_If he only knew my reasons for suggesting this, he would kill me. I figured that if we put names on the students, which meant Lily, which meant I could see her every movement. Boy was I good, or was I just whipped? Hum… _

_After what seemed like years the class ended, during that long stretch of useless information, something about test material, I figured now would be as good as time any to apologize to her, you know he brain filled with knowledge, she would be in a good mood, right?_

_I caught up to her as she was heading up the stairs to the main entrance and placed a hand on her shoulder. In one sexy, fluid movement she had her wand pointed at my throat. Merlin I could have died right there. _

_"I just wanted to talk, no need for duelling," I said, it was a weird peace offering, but I was really desperate. She looked into my eye and again green mixed with chocolate, oh god the green chocolate men, they're back. Lily looked away and then continued up the stairs, I followed, I was whipped._

_"What is there to talk about James?" Minx._

_I kept my sexual frustrations to a minimum and ran a hand through my hair, girls loved when I did that, " I just- I guess I just wanted to apologize for last night, I feel like I made you uncomfortable, and that was not very gentlemen like of me." Man was I good; no women would have been able to resist that one. She turned around and looked into my face, damn she has sexy eyes, but to be honest with you, I was terrified. I was in the biting-off-head-zone and Lily is very unpredictable. _

_"Not very gentlemen like? When have you ever been gentlemen like?" Ouch! Stab a knife in my heart and twist it, god she was fiery. Lily turned back around and headed towards Transfigurations, I started to follow but I wondered that when I caught up to her what I would say, 'Hey yah Lily, wanna jump into this broom closet for a quick shag?" God I would be slapped so hard I wouldn't be able to tell up from down. So I dropped back and waited for the rest. They soon came just in time to see Lily stomp off._

_"God James what did you do? Ask her for a quick shag in that broom closet?" Remus smirked._

_"No," I said, I guess was a bit guilty for even thinking it, but when was I ever guilty?_

_"Oh someone's a little touchy feely on the subject," Sirius laughed. I wasn't used to being picked on in school, no one would ever have dared to mess with me, unless of course you were Peter, Remus or Sirius._

_"No Padfoot, just drop it." He knows that when I say 'just drop it' it means leave it alone and lets never talk about it again. Sometimes he chose not to know that's what it meant._

_"It look's like little Jamie got rejected by Lily flower." _

_"Sirius, don't," I said, I rarely ever got mad at my friends, if he pushed this conversation any farther it would be one of those times. _

_"Fine, we'll talk to Lily then." Sirius said some how knowing that going to her would be way worse. So the three of them left me to sulk in my own guilt. No other girl had ever made me do that; I was always the rejecter not the rejectie. _

_So after a brief conversation with Rebecca Keg, yes I did get a date, I walked into Transfiguration feeling quiet good about myself. I spotted Peter and Remus over at the far side of the room. I walked over and rested both my hands of their shoulders and saw Sirius holding a hand to his cheek. _

_"What happened to you mate?" _

_He looked up at me and nodded his head in the direction of Lily, man she keeps getting better and better. _

_"Oh mate, that's pretty bad, getting beat up by a girl, what's next snogging Snape?" _

_What was with me and crossing lines, again for the second time in less than a day I was dangerously close to crossing one. I guess that's what was so alluring about them; you know living on the wild side. Lily says it will get me killed, but hey I also have my brains. And speaking of brains, now was a good time to back away from Sirius; he has a mean left hook. I am very surprised that Lily never got a taste of that, even if she is a girl, a gorgeous one at that. I was unfortunate enough at one time to get that left hook, and trust me I don't want it again. I backed away slowly when my feet were caught on a chair and I fell onto it. Expecting it to be another Gryffindor male I foolishly said, "Jesus he can be such a puss at times."_

_"I wouldn't know." Frick, it was Lily. The one person who I try to impress and I go off making an arse of me self. I turn around to see her looking at me. Her eyes were dull, like the spark had gone out. She looked tired, really tired. This could or couldn't be because of me, but then again it is the first day of school, so yah, it was probably me._

_"Sorry Lily, I didn't notice it was you." For once something good came out of my mouth. Praise Merlin. She looked down at her textbook as McGonagall walked in, I pulled out mine, hopefully she didn't mind me sitting there, because for the rest of the day and year I made it a point to 'accidentally' fall into chairs beside her. I, the irresistible James Potter, was going to shake the untouchable Lily Evans, my prey._


	2. Chapter 1

Sorry, I don't have any witty catch phrase or antidote for this chapters introductions. And yes I do pride myself in being witty.

_**Rating**: **This is rated R for the same reason it was in the last chapter.**_

_**Disclaimer:** **I would lave to say that I came up with Harry Potter and his wonderful world…but I didn't. That was J.K Rowling. Give her the credit. **_

**Chapter One**

**Lily**

'_Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels'_

Summer came with sheer excitement, ever since after Easter Break I had been counting down the days until the end. Not because of another year of school under my belt, but because a whole two months free of James Potter. No more aimless flirting, on his part, no more rejections, on his part, and most of all no more Potter Charm. God I got so much of it that year it could last me a life time. If I had heard another 'wanna go out sometime?' coming out of his mouth, I was seriously going to hex him to oblivion. But there was not need to worry now I had two months, meaning 10 weeks, or 62 days to get James out of my head. It's really too bad that those 10 weeks or 62 days become more of a prison than anything. As soon as I got home, I saw my sister Petunia with her long time boyfriend Vernon, a pig of a man. He had decided to spend the summer with I quote 'Petty's loving family'. God that made me sick. Well after that pimple raised its ugly, little head my parent's informed me that they were getting a divorce. They said they couldn't bare to write it in a letter because they didn't want me to be distracted and ruin my school year. Well it was a little to late for that, they could have just told me at school so I could have taken it out on James, and then my summer would be saved for lazy days reading in my back yard. But no I had to spend it watching my sister make kissy-kissy with her moustached pig, and having my mum share a room with me. I had a whole year of roommates; I don't need a 44 year old on Prozac crying into my pillow every night. I seriously would have taken James any day over that hell. But there was one person who really got me through a lot of things. In a way you could say we helped each other out.

Over the past year, Remus Lupin and myself had become quite good friends. This was mainly because we were both Prefects. Trust me, it wasn't on my own free will, I swore on Hogwarts a History, my favourite book, that I would never become friends with, date, or marry, a Marauder. On our honeymoon, we made a huge deal out of burning the book. But over the year we really connected. Him being a werewolf, we had a lot to compare, it's amazing, my sister also howls at the moon. But besides that I discovered that we both hate James when he's flirting, yes that is a clue, that Sirius is an all around prat, and that Peter can be a bit creepy at times. But there was one main difference between us, beside gender, he could put up with James, he was one of his best friends for Christ sake. I admired him for that.

I, for one had done a lot of observing that year and saw that James was compassionate, caring, loyal, sexy, smart, sexy, funny, sexy, well I got carried away, but it's true. He treated his friends and even his inferiors like they were the Queen of England; he treated everyone like that except for me. He treated me like I was different, separate; he even treated his flavours of the week better than he treated me. This was the main reason that I found him so repulsive. Remus really understood that and told me he did this because he liked me. But oh no, I have played that game before and no one isolates a person because they like them, it's because they love them. But James isolated me in a different way, he treated me like shit, like I was some chewed up dog toy that was thrown out, that was why I didn't believe that James liked me, that was when I truly realized that he was in love with me. This comes back to summer. I had two months to get my head around the fact that he was in love with me and I had two months to figure out what I should do for the next year. But my loving family royally screwed that up.

So lets start at the beginning. I go off the train to see both my parents, standing a few feet apart from each other, with their arms out ready to greet me. I rushed over; very glad to see them and we went home. I stepped through the front door and saw Petunia and Vernon snogging on the couch. I rolled my eyes and walked past them, my parents didn't notice because they were having their third fight since the station.

"See look it's quarter after, we could have been here half an hour ago if you just had taken the ally."

"I told you, the ally is under construction it would have taken longer."

Welcome home Lily.

So I took my trunk and went up to my room. This became my sanctuary, my prison, and my sleeping place, as a bedroom should be. I found that as soon as I got up there I wanted to write to Remus.

For the most part of this year James spent most of his time very jealous of Remus. He told me, I quote, 'Why must you constantly…' I believe the word was 'fuck with him when you have me?' That caused about a two week break up in our relationship. And believe me when I say that it was going to be longer, but Sirius has this charm that you just can't say no to.

Well back to summer, I must have written ten rolls of parchment before I realized that it was all shit. I was having a break down, I was being shaken by some invisible force, at least James I could see, smell, feel…That was not going to get the best of me. Not a chance. I would just take this like I did at school. Smile, and speak when spoken too, but other than that every thing would be blocked out. I started to think of it has my entire life being James Potter. Then I also realized that two months that were supposed to be Potter free, had started out wonderfully.

Suppertime rolled around and went without much hassle. Mum and dad had only two fights over the potatoes (being too soupy) and the turkey (being too dry). Petunia and Vernon were off in their own little world, which consisted of feeding each other the soupy potatoes and the dry turkey. I hardly ate anything. After we all sat in the parlour and talked about 'Petty's' life, well it was more Petunia talked about 'Petty's' life.

"So Lily how was your year?" Dad asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders and said just fine. After there was an awkward silence, like someone told a joke that just wasn't funny. Dad slowly nodded his head and turned back to Petunia. Mum got up from her seat across the room and walked toward me.

"I'm sorry Lily, I know that this isn't what you want to come home to," She said, like she knows how I feel. "I know how you feel."

I kept my eyes focused on my hands that were folded in my lap. I licked my lips and faced Mum. "May I be excused?"

She sighed and nodded her head, the arm she had placed around my shoulder earlier fell off. I got up and did a half bow to my dad, I don't know why I guess it was mostly out of respect for something.

Respect.

That seemed something my who family lacked. I was told when my dad met Grandma and Grandpa they didn't give him a chance, they kicked him to the curb so to speak before he could tell them that he would never hurt their daughter. Ha, I guess they were right. Now Mum and dad had just lost everything, their passion, their faith, their life…

I went to bed very early that night; I had a lot of things to sort out, not to mention my summer homework and James. Yes James, even with everything going on in my family, James was always on my mind. Sometimes I would catch myself thinking, 'I wonder what James is doing now?' or 'James would get a good laugh out of this,' and even 'I wish he was here.' That one rarely came up. Did I mention that lying has become a habit of mine? But that night was strictly to clear my head, what ever came into my thoughts I would scrutinize until it made sense. Murphy's Law James was the first thing in my head. I decided to pass that topic until it was much later. Next was family. It wasn't family in general, I could care less what Petunia would do for the rest of her life, it was really mum and dad that worried me.

It wasn't like I was in any relationship – yet – but if they couldn't make it, how could I? I looked over at my mum and saw her tear stained face. I never wanted to go through with that, I never wanted to get hurt. That's what made me so oblivious to the fact that all love came with pain; that all life came with death. This was when I decided that I would never fall in love. I would never get hurt, I would never die.

That was my last passing thought as I drifted into a dreamless sleep. My first day back was less glamorous than I had expected, but I was still home and home was somewhere away from everything, where I could submerge myself in books, school work, thoughts anything I really wanted. Over the first month I really got a hold of this independent thing that I was doing. It turned out I loved doing things on my own. Yah some may think I was always alone, but no, I had a few friends, none that I could really open up to anyways. Conversations with them usually included the Marauders, they talked about them in a different tense then I found favourable. It was always the token saying 'did you see Sirius today? I think he was looking at me!' which was quite possible, Sirius does have a bit of a lazy eye, as well as a lazy mouth, so I'm told, I really didn't want to find out if that was true.

But during that month I realized that I did not need other people in my life to make me happy. I was perfectly fine by myself. I really didn't need friends, or James, especially not James.

The beginning of August came which meant a week till my birthday. My sixteenth birthday. Of course when the day came I didn't really know it since I wasn't paying much attention to the outside world. I came down stairs, my hair out at odd angles, and at the kitchen table were my parents and to by disappointment, Petunia.

"Happy Birthday Lils!" My mum squealed rushing up to hug me. My dad stood in his place and smiled,

"Well kiddo, you're sixteen, no longer my little girl."

My smile kind of dropped and I went up to hug him.

Just then an owl flew into the open window. I broke the hug from dad and went to pick up the two letters that it dropped. Without hesitation I unrolled the first one, I hadn't written to anyone, nor told when my birthday was. It was thankfully from Remus. It was just a simple happy birthday wishing my a good rest of the summer and looking forward to seeing me next year. Remember when I said I didn't need friends? He could still be around. The next letter, I was not to happy about, but it still brought a smile to my face, he always did.

_Dear Lily,_

_I know we haven't been on the best of terms last year, but that doesn't mean I don't wish you the best on your birthday. I hope that for this one day you could but all haste aside and find it somewhere to put us on neutral ground, even if I'm not there to enjoy it. So now I can safely say, have a great day, have a great summer and I hope to see your smile next year._

_James_

That was it. Nothing elaborate, nothing romantic, just the purest James that I have ever heard. This scared me, maybe he wasn't so bad, why did I hate him in the first place? That's right he went against everything I stood for and was just foul and repulsive and incredibly, incredibly sweet and sexy. He needed to go away, really go away, out of my head, out of my life and preferable out of the country but that was not going to happen, so out of my life would do fine. But no, when ever I least expected it, he would be right there tapping on my little world to let him in. God I hated him.

I kept the letter, I still have it, my first unofficial love letter from James. Of course I didn't see it this was until we finally started seeing each other. At that moment I truly thought I was going to break down. I figured I was just going to curl up in a ball on the kitchen floor and cry. Cry because I hated him so much, yet had this other feeling toward him that I couldn't trace.

My parents saw this look on my face and questioned. Again I told them it was nothing and stuffed both letters into my pyjama pocket.

For the rest of the day everything went rather well. We all went out for lunch and not once did my parents fight over something. Maybe it was because they made a pact that they weren't going to spoil my day, or maybe they were really getting along. Either way, I could care less.

The next week I got my Hogwarts letter, telling me what I needed and details about the train ride. I decided that I would make a point of going to Diagon Ally when Vernon and Petunia decided to stay home for a day. This came quicker that I had expected, but I was still able to make it out the house before any major snogging was aloud to happen.

My parents dropped me off a block away from the Leaky Cauldron. They were convinced that it was right by the old pub, where there was only an ally. I didn't want to disappoint them since muggles are unable to see it, so I got off there and walked a little. It wasn't going to kill me.

Diagon Ally was quite busy, as usual full of Hogwarts students. Maybe their sisters were snogging ugly guys as well. I ran into a few familiar faces, none that were really inviting, just the same old Marauder worshipers. I bypassed the robe store; I didn't think that I grew any since June. I stopped at the Apothecary and all the other usuals. My final stop and the one I was most looking forward to was Flourish and Blotts. I could spend hours in there, which was just what I was intending on doing. I loved looking at all the books, seeing different ideas in other people's views. It just amazed me that people could write stuff for others to read. Yah I know we had to write essays all the time for Professors, but that was different, it was just one or two people reading it. In a book, thousands will be looking at your work, learning, understanding, criticizing. I would never be able to do that.

I bought all my books first and then began to look through all the rest. I found one corner that really got my attention. It was generally on biographies of famous witch's and wizard's. I sat in the corner and read for what seemed like hours until a voice broke through the silence.

"Always have your nose buried in some book, Evans?"

"Piss off Severus."

"My aren't we in a good mood."

If there was one person that I hated more than James it was my sister, but besides her, it was Severus Snape. With my nature and all I tried to be nice to him, but his hidden infatuation with me always took over his attitude, then he would turn into a lower life form than James.

"I told you to piss off."

"She means it Snape, back off." A new voice came into the conversation. It wasn't exactly the person that I wanted to come –and for a lack of better terms- rescue me, but a girl can't be picky at these times.

Severus turned around and raised a challenging brow.

"Since when do you come around these parts Black? Thought you'd be celebrating? Your brother is very lucky, He doesn't just throw those positions to just anyone. "

I had no idea what this meant, but obviously Sirius did because he lunged at Severus' throat. Before an all out fight was aloud to happen Peter and James came around the corner and pulled them apart.

Severus dusted off his robes and snarled at the others, "where's your other friend, wolf boy? He should still be out, full moon isn't for another week."

I knew what this meant, but I don't think that they knew that I knew, you know? So James grabbed Severus by the front of his robes and shoved him into nearest aisle of books.

"Get out Snivellus."

Wow, yes I did hate him at the time but any one who had a pulse was able to see that James was very sexy when he gets mad.

Severus straightened his robes, turned around and walked toward the exit.

Sirius turned back to me with a guilty smile on his face.

"Sorry Evans, I know that you could have handled it yourself, but I couldn't resist," He said holding out his hand. I took it and he pulled me up.

"I guess a thank-you is in order but my one day on neutral ground is spent."

I wasn't looking at Sirius when I said this, I meant to, but my eyes wondered to the boy over his shoulder. I couldn't explain it, but it felt like he was the only one there, like he was always the only one there.

This, of course, threw off Peter and Sirius, but I saw James smile.

"Sorry I missed it. Come on guys, we have to find Remus, I'll tell him you said hello?" James asked.

I nodded and watched them leave.

God what did I just do? What did I just say? Was I flirting with James, with the same James I hated and the same James I wished were dead? No, I couldn't have been, it was a nice friendly…flirting conversation, damn it. Now he thinks I like him then I just have to turn him down and break his heart. Wait, since when did I care about breaking his heart?

…Since always…

Frick.

**James**

'_The dizzy dancing way you feel'_

I, for one was not looking forward to summer. Summer in my house means telling me what my plans were for the next year and getting me ready for my already found job as an Auror. Personally I could have cared less about what I should do after Hogwarts, I really wouldn't mind not working at all. It's not like I'm poor. But there was a little relief when Sirius came over. He moved out due to…family issues and camped out at my place over school holidays.

The last few months of school, to be honest I really can't remember. Though after the Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L, was one time that stood clear in my mind. Us Marauders were discussing the test and we started to pick on Sna-Severus. I realize now that he really wasn't doing anything to us, as Lily stated at the time, but my reason then still stands strong, does he need any other reason than being alive? There was a bit of a tiff between me and Severus, but true to Lily's nature, she stepped, rejecting me for the thousandth time. That's why I remembered it. Some couples remember their first date – which I do – some remember their 1-year anniversary – which hadn't come– and I, well I remember the one thousandth time that she had rejected me. Quite a milestone I must say.

Once I got off the train my parents were once again there to see me. Before I could even get a welcome home, they shoved a book into my hands and with a jolt I was in my living room.

"Welcome back James, sorry about that, suppose' to not been seen in muggle places these days, yes quite unsafe." Dad was an Auror, that's why I was to take his place when he retired or died, which- ever one happened first. He always was a bit paranoid.

"Don't mind your farther dear, welcome back." Mum said, it was glad to be back.

"Mum, dad, can I ask you something?"

They looked at each other out of the corner of their eye.

"Sure son, what's on your mind?" Dad said leading me over to the parlour.

There was no easy way to break this to them, Sirius couldn't just live on the streets. And I knew damn well he wouldn't stay with his family. I really had no idea how they were going to handle him living here.

"Well Sirius got into some trouble at home, and I was wondering if he could live here?" I sounded a bit apprehensive. I gave them my best puppy dog eyes and pushed my bottom lip out.

"Oh quit it James, of course he can live here, I know Mrs. Black and I don't blame him for leaving, is he still at the station? Dear, go and pick him up, I'll get Medy to get one of the spare rooms ready for him." God mum was great. Yah I was a mamma's boy, but a tough guy has to have a weakness, right? All right two weaknesses.

Sirius arrived a few minutes later looking very grateful.

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. P, I really appreciate this."

"Oh Sirius stop it, you're a second son to us, you are always welcome here."

Did I mention that my mum was the greatest person on the face of the earth? Besides Lily that is.

Naturally through out the summer all the Marauders were over at one point or another. But whenever I was alone, which was seldom, the only thing that I could think about was Lily. It's truly amazing that this girl, who I have been rejected by thousands of times, still interreges me, still makes me want to go after her even though I already know the result.

The second week of August rolled around and Remus was over at my house.

"Prongs, can I borrow your owl?"

"Sure mate, why?"

My owl landed on his arm and stuck his leg out. Remus attached him letter and said, "It's Lily's birthday today, just wanted to send her my best."

I thought for a moment, maybe since it was her birthday I could try asking her out again, no, I would be taking advantage of her. What if I sent her my best as well? I could be a peace offering slash happy birthday slash please forgive me for being a arse this year letter.

"Hold up Moony, I just want to write her a quick something."

"James, no, I will not let you ruin her birthday just because you sent her some sort of love letter."

I ignored him and signed my name at the bottom of the letter, rolling it up I handed it to Remus.

"No worries mate." I clasped a hand on his shoulder as he tied my letter to Owls leg as well. I like original names; I got him after O.W.L's so why not call him that.

"I hope so," He said sending Owl out the window.

I waited by the window for a week hoping that I would get some sort of letter back from her saying a thanks, by all I got was a lousy Hogwarts letter. Great, I already knew what I need and where to go, I had gone for five years. So a week after that the Marauders headed to Diagon Alley. Mum and dad gave us a port key to get there and back and dad gave Sirius and I a speech on if anything goes wrong, not to worry, head for the nearest shop, lock the doors and that Aurors would be along shortly. He was really paranoid.

Once there we headed straight for the Qudditch supply store, why else were we there? To get books? I never used mine last year, why would I need them this year? So after spending a majority of time there Remus dragged us the Flourish and Blotts. God what a boring store, all those books of people, things, ideas. Christ I thought I was going to die of boredom in there. Remus made a beeline for our class books, he said to give him our money and he would buy them for us so we could have our entire time there getting distracted. No wonder he was Prefect, he was smart.

Right after Remus left, something caught Sirius eye, and before I knew it he was gone as well. Must have been some Hogwarts girl, or any girl for that matter. So Peter and myself slowly walked up and down the aisles looking for something of interest. Nothing really caught our eye so we moved towards the back of the shop.

"Since when do you come around these parts Black? Thought you'd be celebrating? Your brother is very lucky, He doesn't just throw those positions to just anyone. "

Oh frick it sounded like Snape. And it that was Sirius he was talking to, Jesus, Snape didn't have a hope in hell. I grabbed Peters arm and we ran, no, not ran, walked briskly to where we heard the voice. Sure enough, Sirius was lunging at Snapes throat; I pulled Sirius back while Peter tried to restrain Snape. He yanked himself out of Peters grasp and dusted off his robes.

"Where's your other friend, wolf boy? He should still be out, full moon isn't for another week."

This got me mad, no one insulted Remus. Then I noticed that Lily was there. She was sitting in a corner with a book on her knees. She's never looked so beautiful. But then it hit me, she didn't know that we knew that she knew, you know? I grabbed the front of Snapes robes and pushed him into the nearest aisle.

"Get out of here Snivellus."

Snape straightened his robes and headed towards the front of the store. I turned back to Lily to see her staring at me with this odd expression. Sirius seemed to drag her out of her trance by saying something, I can't remember. All I can remember was her eyes, they seemed to be glowing, dancing, right then I knew I would have to take up reading for a hobby. I was getting in way over my head.

I was shaken out of my own trace when she said, "I guess a thank-you is in order but my one day on neutral ground is spent."

One day on neutral ground is spent? What? Hey wait, I knew what that meant. I wrote that to her. So she didn't throw a tantrum and tear her house apart at the mere thought of me. I guess I was higher up in her books than I thought.

She pretended to look at Sirius, but I had a feeling that she was looking at me with those stunning green eyes. Green chocolate men no longer haunted my dreams; all were of her, and her beautiful smile. I threw all reason out the window, and against my better judgment started to talk, "Sorry I missed it. Come on guys, we have to find Remus, I'll tell him you said hello?"

To my great pleasure that came out not half bad. It didn't sound too despite, yet still the right amount to let her know that I was thinking about her. Not an offal lot, which was a lie, but just the right amount. She nodded and we took that as our cue to leave. I really wasn't in the mood for being in a public scene at the moment.

What was with her? She was civil. Had hell frozen over? I thought her one day on neutral ground was spent? Maybe she was actually starting to be, how shall I put this, nice around me, I mean the Marauders, no me, both. Of us. Meaning the Marauders. When not at Hogwarts. And she's had a mild sedative.

"Jesus Sirius, control yourself, you could have caused a scene." Peter said.

Sirius stopped walking and narrowed his eyes at Peter. "Since when do you start caring about ol' Snievillus? And since you are concerned, I wasn't going to give him more than he deserved, a good black out while we're within the same area."

This was another growing concern of mine. Peter seemed to be taking a keen interest of sneaking about. He's never been good at it, so we just humour him by not bringing it up. For the most part we thought it was some weird faddish that he had, but recently he's been 'sneaking' more often.

"Since I noticed he was a fellow student at Hogwarts. As the sorting hat said last year, 'unite or we shall fall'."

Sirius searched his face for some sort of reason and snorted, "Bullshit Peter, you know it is, come on lets find Remus, these books are getting to me."

I followed Sirius to the doors and I looked behind me to see if Peter was coming. He was still standing in the same spot, but he had an uncomfortable look on his face, like something was cramping his style, not that he had one. He also was rubbing his forearm, with that, the sleeve of his robes rose and I could see the bottom of something black. Thinking it was some bite that he had gotten during his 'sneaking' sessions, I ignored it.

Sirius found Remus and we walked down the street to get some ice cream.

"Moony, I almost forgot, Lily says hi." I said after we ordered.

"You talked to her? No, wrong question. You got within ten feet of her?" Remus asked.

"Yah and she says hi."

"Alright, thank you James for that message. You didn't jinx her or anything did you?"

"Remus, we helped her out of a tight spot and she asked me to say hi to you, is that a sin?" Jesus, can't he just believe me? I mean, I have only lied to him a few times, but this wasn't one of them

"So Prongs, how was she, number wise?" Sirius smirked.

I thought for a moment and then said, "I was wrong mate when I said she would be a eleven. She was a full twenty."

"Jesus James, give up on her. I'm really all up of catching your prey mate. But Christ, you have to know when to hang up your balls, if you know what I mean," Sirius said.

I turned around in my chair to face him and laughed, "You're the one to talk Padfoot. Was it Angle Kent that you were caught up for two months with, or was that Kelly Mason? Maybe you remember?"

"Cut it out James. Yah so I got hung up a bit, but that was two maybe three months, we're talking for the past six years, James. Lily's hot and all, but is she really worth it?"

Christ, Sirius had never made me think this hard before, usually it was Remus who gave me these cunning reality bits, maybe Peter would through one out with out knowing, but Sirius? Jesus, he couldn't tell an answer from a question.

"She's always worth it mate. You know when you first get on a broom, the excitement, the passion, the risk? That's how I feel with her. Even if I can't be with her, and I can't see her or talk to her everyday. Just being on the same world that she is, well mate that's enough for me."

I had never seen a reaction like this in my life. Sirius banged his head on the table, Peter chocked on his chocolate frog ice cream, and Remus smiled. It was that weird sort of smile that he gave me whenever I said something that was worth remembering. But in the back of my mind, I had this weird feeling, like I was doing something wrong. Well that didn't surprise me much, I was always doing something wrong, but this feeling was like one I've never had before, it was like I opened my eyes for the first time. It was rather frightening. I had this feeling that it was because of Lily. Being the coward that I am, I figured that maybe Sirius was right, maybe I should just give up.

Just then Lily walked by the store and our eyes met for a second, then she turned away. Yep, she was worth it.


	3. Chapter 2

First off I would love to thank all of you who have review so far! It is much appreciated! But unfortunately it will be a bit slow getting the next few chapters up, no more laptop no more writing. Well not no more writing, but not as much of it. Yeah I know it sucks. But hey! Here's another chapter for you, ENJOY!

_**Rating:** It's R…same as always._

_**Disclaimer:** J.K Rowling was not the smartest to think up Harry Potter and all the characters, just the first…so naturally everything is hers_

**Chapter Two**

**Lily**

'_Dreams and Schemes and Circus crowds' _

My parents dropped me off at King's Cross Station at twenty to; I would have liked it to be earlier, but Mum and Dad, got into another fight. This one was a reoccurring on of which way would be the quickest. Dad's choice was speeding, and since he was driving, he won. This, of course, was a brilliant idea, if the police hadn't caught us. It was truly a sight to see mum think up an excuse for an owl and a trunk sitting in the back seat.

With ten minutes to spare, I jumped on the Hogwarts Express without waving good-bye to my parents. I'm sure they didn't notice; when I left them, they were still arguing over what they should have for dinner tonight. It truly amazed me to see that they lasted the summer. I had a feeling they were staying together to benefit us, well me, Petunia had Vernon. He had proposed to her a week ago, and she hasn't stopped bragging about it since.

"Vernon said that he is going to take over his fathers company so he says I will never have to work, oh he's perfect."

Perfect I thought. When had a man ever been perfect? Mum thought dad was perfect, look where it landed them. And saying Petunia will never have to work, isn't really saying much, she's never done as much cut the grass.

'Anything outside the house is for the man to do, including a paying job', is her philosophy. A woman who says that will never amount to anything anyways. For me, I've always wanted to work, outside the home that is. Last year was really when I made my decision to plan on becoming an Auror. Half the people in my year were planning on becoming Auror's, including James, but I highly doubted that all of them will want to be when it the time comes. They all wanted to do something to stop Voldermort. All wanting to stop the suffering and dieing of innocent people, thinking that they really know how truly horrible death is. None of them knew, they all were Pure-Blood; none of them had to worry. I also thought that I knew how bad it felt to lose someone close to you as most did, at the age of sixteen. It isn't until now that I honestly can say that I have experience death and felt what it leaves behind.

With my trunk dragging behind me, and growing heavier by the second, I kept my head down. My good mood of coming back to Hogwarts had been completely washed away by the fact of my parents.

"Lily?"

I raised my head and suddenly everything that had crossed my mind before had been completely forgotten.

"It's good to see you Remus."

He looked into my eyes and I turned away, his stare was intense, intense in a way that it almost hurt. James was the only one who could look at me that way; it was his intensely sexy stare.

"I would ask you how your summer was, but something seems to be bothering you, so I'll ask about that instead."

I laughed and he picked up the other end of my trunk and began walking to the Prefect compartment.

"It's just my parents, they're going through some…issues," I said choosing my words very carefully. I heard him laugh,

"Issues? Lily, I have issues. Are you going to tell me what's really going on?"

I really wanted to tell him, I really did, but the words never came out when I opened my mouth, all that I said was, "How's Sirius and Peter?"

"Fine, I suppose. Sirius is still living at James house, and Peter… well Peter is acting strange, but really nothing out of the ordinary."

"That's good, how's -"

"James? He's James, even if he wasn't up to his normal self, no one would know. But I can always tell when he's distracted." Remus said with a smile.

Surly this smile didn't mean…no it couldn't mean… he has tons of other girls to get distracted by, why did I think I was so special? Damn. Again I caught myself thinking of him. How did this one start? I think my last was seeing something being thrown into the garbage and it reminded me of his hair was always wind blown, and how I got mad at him last year. He probably didn't remember it, I had gotten mad at him so many times that year, why would he remember that fight?

"Lily, you don't mind if I leave for a bit? I promised that I would stay with the others."

"No, go right ahead, and tell –"

"James that you said hi, got it."

So there I was, left in an empty compartment, completely alone, physically and mentally. I sat down by the window and rested my elbow against it. How come I could forget about James – lie – for most of the summer, and then as soon as I get on the train, I can't stop thinking about him? This was a very puzzling thought, and it was, as I was told, very evident, by the look on my face.

"When I said next year, I was planning on the train."

Jesus, how did that happen? I had the compartment door locked and that particular one had a squeak to it when it's being opened. How did I not hear it?

"That really all depends," I said. Of course I knew what he was talking about, he wanted to see me smile. Why was my smiled so important? He never cared about a girls smile before; he always tended to look lower.

"Of course, it depends on my timing and your mood."

"What to you mean by your timing?"

"Well," he said taking a seat across from me, "If I happen to catch you at a bad time, there is a very slim chance that you would even look at me. Then, if I catch you when you're in a good mood, I doubt I'll even have to ask."

"So, what do you suppose happens now, I'll confirm that I am neither happy nor sad, but perfectly content."

Must I add that James Potter had been looking quite good at the time. Summer hadn't done him wrong, neither had Qudditch. This was a motivation from me to speak this way, and for the record, I never do, flirty.

"This, you see, is a bit trickier than the other times, since you are still capable of retaliation, and yet are still able of being nice."

"Being nice? Are you saying, James, that I am never nice around you?" I got him in a corner; I remember perfectly well that I have never been in a good mood around James Potter.

"More or less, but I can tell that you mood is changing, and my timing, being perfect I doubt that a smile will take long."

This wasn't James, no chance, he was charming, intelligent and, I hated myself for saying this, truly amazing. But over the summer, I too had changed; I had come up with more defence strategies. The one I was about to use was called the' reality shove' perfect for this kind of situation.

"Now James," I said leaning my elbows on top of my knees, "when did you become so observant?"

He laughed, "about the same time that you became a joy to talk to."

"So you wouldn't mind if I did a little observing of my own."

"Try me," he smiled also leaning forward.

"Well, I have observed that you came in with more intentions than seeing me smile. I also know that the two other Prefects that are due to enter any time now, are your ex's. How does this affect you? I have heard countless times from both of them, how they wouldn't be caught dead in the same room you."

During this speech of mine, he was leaning closer and closer, and to play along, I too began to lean in. I could see his eyes travel down to my lips and then…lower, but he would pay the price soon enough.

"Wow Lily, you really seem to have figured this out." He said, in a dare I say, husky voice. But even if I do make fun of it, it had its effects, for example the chill that ran down my spine.

"Yes I really do," I smiled. I figured that it was just cruel to keep him hanging.

He looked at my lips and he started to close his eyes, trying to lessen the small gap between us. Yet this is where my plan kicked in. I leaned back just as the compartment door opened, to revel two very angry Prefects.

"James? What the hell are you doing here, this is for Prefects only," Rebecca Keg yelled.

The plan had worked perfectly. The beauty of the 'reality shove' was to reel the victim in, in this case, it meant the drastic measure of flirting, telling them the last thing that they would expect at the moment, James wasn't expecting anyone to walk in, and then watching it come true. God I'm good.

"Not to worry Rebecca, he was just leaving, bye James."

He stood up, "Bye Lily, nice talking to you."

I nodded and he left the compartment, winking at the two girls in the doorway.

"Don't get mixed up with him Lily, I'm telling you from past experiences, from both of them." Kelly Mason said shaking her head at her own past misfortune.

"Don't worry, I have it all under control, hopefully I embarrassed him enough today to stay away for the rest of the year," I said.

"Don't count on it, James never falls, sort of speak, and I don't think he's planning to anytime soon."

Being the intellectual person that I am, I had already thought of this, and had a plan. I can't tell you the plan because there wasn't really one; I just convinced myself that there was.

"I really don't think that I need advice from people who had fallen for him before." I was getting into a bad mood. I must admit, I was kind of hoping that James would stay longer.

"Fine then, give us our payment, and we'll be out of your way." Rebecca said.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out ten gallons. "Five each," I said dropping five into each hand.

"Thanks Lily, any time you want to piss off James, we are always free." Kelly waved as the left the compartment.

This was part two of my plan, the making fiction reality. Now I knew that Remus was going to tell James that I asked about him, and I knew James couldn't leave at saying hello. So he would come over, his intentions quite clear. I would then lead him into the 'reality shove'. Right before James got what he wanted, Kelly and Rebecca would walk in, get mad at James, and he would leave. I then paid off both of them, both of whom I hired upon getting on the train. This entire plan was called, 'The Paid Reality Shove'. I could have done the normal 'reality shove' but that was to risky for the game I was playing, too many things would have gone wrong, and things would have gotten very messy. But the 'reality shove' and 'The Paid Reality Shove' were only two on a seventy-five list of strategies, in which I had perfected over the summer using my family as test mice.

I knew it was childish of me to resort to detailed plans to throw off a guy, but over the summer I realized something else. He could be the one person who could be my downfall. James Potter was the only boy that I thought about constantly, and wished that he could be a friend, or possible more. And like a lot of things, it scared me. If I were to get into a relationship now, like my parents did, then if we get married and have a life like my parents, which is bound to happen in some way, I get my heart broken. And personally I did not want that to happen.

Some may think that if my parents had never decided to get a divorce, then I would be in a relationship, this may be the case. If my parents weren't getting a divorce, the whole commitment issue that I was currently dealing with, wouldn't exist. I never would have made a list of plans against him, and right about now we would be snogging. But really when did life ever happen that perfectly? Never, well not in my life. My parents are at each other's throats and my sister hates me because she blames me for tearing them apart. Yep, my life was just perfect.

For the rest of the ride, my time was spent in thought. It was mostly passing thoughts that I dwelled on, but nothing significant. Around noon I caught myself thinking of James, I quickly banished his name from my mind and started to think about classes. My favourite being Charms. This then lead me to thinking what James favourite was. Around one o'clock I caught myself thinking what it would have been like if I had let James kiss me. An hour later I remembered that it was two hours till my rounds, but then around three, I had a major break through in finding out that I had fallen for the James Potter, which meant I had to try harder to keep him away. Around four I had given up all hope of me trying to stop myself of thinking of him and indulged myself in a rather heated fantasy. Then around five I was actually trying to plan how I could get James to fall in love with me. I was positive that I was just a reoccurring passing fad of his, and meant nothing more. Around six I figured out that I really hated being in love with the person whom I despised most and started to plan my death, which, at the time, seemed the only way out o the situation. About quarter after, I was starting to get rather depressed at the fact that I had filled fifteen minutes of my time with different ways to kill myself. And then around seven I figured that I should get ready. And seven fifteen was when the Head Girl came in and yelled her head off at me for missing my patrolling duties.

"Never, never in a million years I would have thought that you of all people who have blown off you duties," she yelled.

"I'm sorry, I got caught up in my thoughts and lost track of time, it will never happen again."

She glared at me, "As soon as Gryffindor has points, I will find you and take ten away for those thoughts of yours."

She was a Slytherin, figurers. With that she left me to wallow in my own self-guilt. I loved being a Prefect, how did I just forget? I never forget. But I do remember remembering I had to patrol right before I had my break through with James. Great, I fall in love and look; I get in shit for it. Well I had a whole other hour to think about how to make myself un-fall in love, when the train stopped. Great, we were there; just what I needed was a group of scared first-years hanging off my robes when I had a major crisis on my hands. Two major crises, my unfortunate undying love for James, and James.

**James**

'_Don't let them know'_

'_Don't give yourself away'_

Mum and dad were unable to come to the station with us, so they gave us a banana peel and suddenly we were about ten feet away from our entrance, in an old ticket booth, the same one we had used just at the beginning of the summer. Sirius and I went through the barrier and took our time getting on the train; there were too many beautiful girls outside it to waste out time sitting. Sirius found a rather trashy looking blonde who had been eyeing him up over the past year. He said under his breath not to go looking for him on the train, and went up to her.

I myself found no one that really caught my eye. I'm sure that if this was a year ago, I would be like a kid in a candy store, but this year was different. My parents said that I some how matured when they noticed that I didn't try to hit on houseguests daughters. I knew that I didn't mature, it was just I had someone else in mind. A certain red head. But in all fairness, she wouldn't give me the time of day, so without Sirius, I boarded the train.

Finding a compartment near the back, I settled in. I kept my eye open for Remus and Peter, but I knew I wouldn't see them anytime soon. Remus would be with Lily somewhere, God I was jealousy of him. And Peter, well Peter would just be getting on the train when it started to move. As time passed, a few girls wandered in to say hello, perhaps more, but I told them I wasn't interested.

"Hey James."

"Hi Megan."

"How was your summer?"

"Fine."

"That's good…"

"Look Megan, if you want to ask me for a quick shag, just say it."

"Ok, wanna shag?"

"Hummm…no."

"But you just said-"

"Yeah, no, bye."

I could tell you that Megan Roster was pretty put out when she left and just in time because Sirius walked in.

"Wow James, that one must have been quick, and clean, it didn't look like a thing happened in here."

"That's because nothing did happen, I told her off." Like I said, I don't usually get mad at my friends, but this was becoming one of those times. "Weren't you with that blonde? That must not have lasted long."

He sat down across from me, resting his feet on the opposite side. "Just didn't work out."

"Ahh, shagged her before?" Something had to be up, Sirius didn't just turn down any girl, their had to be something wrong with her. Well not really wrong with her, their's nothing wrong with women in general, men were the ones with all the flaws, it's just Sirius didn't see it that way.

"Yeah, I dated her sister last year, and apparently she was really upset, how was I supposed to know?"

I laughed; Sirius almost always had messy break-ups. It wasn't him that made them messy, it was usually the other party involved. But it's just as well, he gets himself into these things. He tends to tell the ladies anything they want to hear to get them in bed with him. Even if that does include saying meaningless 'I love you's'. This phrase usually comes up and bits him in the arse. This is why I refrain from using those words as much as possible.

"So James, how is the Lily situation working out for you, still hot on her trail?"

"I haven't seen her since Diagon Ally, and I don't expect to see her till Hogwarts."

Just then Remus walked in and kicked Sirius feet off his seat.

"Sirius, Lily says hi."

Sirius smiled and glanced toward me, "See mate? She is much more interested in me."

"Oh, and James, she says hi to you too, and wanted to know how you're doing."

I smiled as well, I bet she didn't ask how Sirius was doing.

"Really? Did you throw her the can't tell, mysterious line?" Girls just love that, it makes them think of me as, quiet, secretive, some closed lonely, forbidden door.

"Yes I did," Remus said taking out one of his books. "I suppose you two want to copy the homework we had over the summer."

Sirius, who was just about to fall asleep sat up. "What? We had homework? When did this happen?"

"We have had homework for the past five summers," Remus said.

Sirius snorted, "does it look like I care?" and fell back into his corner, shutting his eyes.

I decided that I needed a walk. Well more like a lets find Lily walk. She was bound to be in the Prefect compartment, since Remus had seen her. I didn't have to bother about copying homework, I actually did mine, it seemed to be the only thing that kept my mind off Lily.

Walking down the train, I could see that the girls were still highly attracted to me. This statement may make me sound arrogant, but it was true. And like I said before, they just didn't interest me anymore.

I came to the compartment and tried to open it, the door, appeared to be locked. I, being the person that does not like obstacles, but loves a challenge, unlocked the door, and opened it. Once it was half way, there was a large squeak. I cringed thinking that for sure Lily would look up, but she kept looking out the window. I held my breath and squeezed through the door, closing it behind me. She again didn't seem to notice my presence, so I said, "When I said next year, I was planning on the train." I was kind of scared how she would react, she had this confused look on her face, some may call it puzzled, but I say leave puzzles for a rainy day. But returning to my statement, I didn't know where that came from. I usually couldn't come up with a simple hello around her, but that was a whole sentence that almost spelled, shag me.

"That really all depends," she said, her eyes not leaving the window. Of course I knew she knew what I meant, if she didn't, she would have cursed me by know.

I needed a quick response, a simple 'on what' wasn't really going to cut it. I needed something smooth, something sexy, but then again everything I say is sexy so that won't be problem. Yet I also needed something that wouldn't get me slapped and something that lets her know that I'm in charge of this conversation.

"Of course, it depends on my timing and your mood." Ohh, smooth. Where did all these great lines come from? This is defiantly my day; the only thing left to do was to see her smile

"What to you mean by your timing?" Touché.

"Well," I said taking a seat across from her, "If I happen to catch you at a bad time, there is a very slim chance that you would even look at me. Then, if I catch you when you're in a good mood, I doubt I'll even have to ask."

"So, what do you suppose happens now, I'll confirm that I am neither happy nor sad, but perfectly content."

Must I say that the summer had made her feisty, I approved. This conversation was much more exciting than the ones we usually had.

"Piss off Potter."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

Yes, much more exciting.

"This, you see, is a bit trickier than the other times, since you are still capable of retaliation, and yet are still able of being nice." Man was I on fire or what? Jesus, I don't think that I have ever been this turned on by a simple conversation.

"Being nice? Are you saying, James, that I am never nice around you?"

Ok, that was not good. She has never been nice around me; this was officially the end of my lucky streak. All that was left to do now was to take my defeat like a man. Go out with pride. "More or less, but I can tell that you mood is changing, and my timing, being perfect I doubt that a smile will take long."

By this time she was facing me, with no smile evident on her face. I filched a bit when she brought both arms to her knees, God only knew if she was going to strangle me.

"Now James," she said, "when did you become so observant?"

I laughed, oh Christ this was rich, she was hitting on me. Lily Evans was making a move. I admit she was very good at it. Then again, I was also very glad to see that I was still alive, "about the same time that you became a joy to talk to." That was a relief.

"So you wouldn't mind if I did a little observing of my own."

What was she playing at? Why does she want to 'observe'? Why is she looking into my eyes? Damn, they were gorgeous. It was like I was being pulled into them, they had this tint that I wanted to find more of, but that meant going deeper…

"Try me," I said, following her example of leaning on my knees.

"Well, I have observed that you came in with more intentions than seeing me smile. I also know that the two other Prefects that are due to enter any time now, are your ex's. How does this affect you? I have heard countless times from both of them how they wouldn't be caught dead in the same room you."

Jesus, she had me figured, well now she did. I honestly just wanted to say hello in person and maybe get a smile, but I was dragged freely into this…this! Christ this was one of my fantasies I thought would never come true. Out of instinct I leaned closer to her face, as if when closer, I would hear something I could have missed being back there…By this time, I had to see her, I couldn't be the gentleman anymore, she was right, I never was. I let me eyes wander down her neck, admiring the soft curves to her shoulders. And then lower. Oh Jesus I went lower, but something's had to remain a mystery. I brought my eyes back to her face. "Wow Lily, you really seem to have figured this out." I really didn't care what she said, all I cared about was her, I wanted her. Jesus, she could have said anything in the last few moments and I still wouldn't have paid any attention.

"Yes I really do," she smiled. Yes she smiled. My objective had been reached, but at the moment, I really could have cared less, I was inches away from her lips, and I could feel my own breath against her cheek. I started to close my eyes, leaning in to close the small space when she leaned back and the compartment door opened.

"James? What the hell are you doing here, this is for Prefects only," Rebecca Keg yelled.

Touché Lily Evans, touché. I would have applauded her right there if it wouldn't have made me a bigger idiot. That was amazing. I don't think that I could have pulled off a stunt that big. But even if it did make me look like an idiot, she would still have to put up with me, after that there was no chance I was going to give up on her. Well not now anyways, any women who would do that to crush me, deserved my attention.

"Not to worry Rebecca, he was just leaving, bye James."

I stood up, I knew when I was defeated, "bye Lily, nice talking to you."

She nodded and I left the compartment, winking at the two girls in the doorway. Even if I wasn't interested in them anymore, Lily didn't need to know that. As far as she knew, I was an insufferable prick who was getting shagged every night of the week. And that, I must say, is a very sturdy reputation. And the exact one that would get her pissed off.

When I got back to the Marauder compartment, everyone was there.

"So Prongs, where have you been?" Sirius asked.

"Lily's," I said simply, I really wasn't in the mood for a fight.

"Oh, and what were you doing at Lily's?" Peter asked.

I thought for a moment, I could say I was the closest I've ever been to her, almost kissed her and did some major flirting, but I would be laughed at.

"Being hexed."

"See mate, I told you, Lily equals bad road. Don't go down it," Sirius laughed.

"James why did you go down there, I said that she said hi," Remus sighed.

I ran a hand though my hair, "I guess I just wanted to see for myself, you know me, I have to see to believe, in this case hear."

The compartment was quiet for a while them Sirius looked at his watch, "Well Peter, it's time to go. See you later Moony, Prongs, we have to go see a man about a dog," he winked.

As soon as both of them left the compartment Remus said, "She didn't lay a single spell on you, did she?"

I sighed and leaned back in my seat, 'unless the spell of love counts."

"Jesus James, she's not in love with you, and you're not in love with her, it's just your obsession."

"Then tell me Remus, does an obsession make you feel like you're floating, like you're lighter than air?"

"James, what happened?"

I looked at him; he had a very concerned look on his face. I wasn't too sure if I should like that look or not. I had a feeling that the concern wasn't for me.

"I matured?"

"No you prat, what happened with Lily?"

"I came in to say hello, then that snowballed into seeing her smile, then that into…well you know."

Remus looked very amused, "no I don't know."

"Christ Remus you and your mind games. I almost kissed her alright. I was this bloody close and then the other Prefects had to walk in. Merlin don't they have their own compartments?"

I was very surprised when Remus laughed. Before, he was throwing off the impression that he was going to kill me.

"James, she's not the same. Lily's different from last year. She changed, she's got her wits about her, not that she never had, but more. Lily knows what you're up to, and she will do anything she can to stop you."

"She hasn't changed that much, she still blind sighted by what's in front of her. If she got half a chance to talk to me, she would see that I changed to, for the most part. I didn't believe my parents when they said this, but now I know it's true. I've matured; the infamous James Potter has grown out of his womanising years. Laugh at me now, but stick any girl in front of me and I'll prove it to you."

Remus laughed again, "How about Lily, what would you do if I stuck her in front of you?"

I smiled, he knew damn well what I would say, "then God save the virgin."


	4. Chapter 3

Hello everyone! Merry Christmas! This, I figured, would be an excellent Christmas gift to all of my reviews! So just a huge thanks to all of you! I believe it was one month ago that I updated and I am afraid that this will be the last one for another month or longer…I kind don't have anymore story after this…only about a page on chapter four…like is said that last time I truly sat down and wrote was over summer. But hopefully once I start English in school I will be able to write some more. So another huge thanks to everyone and have a Happy Christmas and a great New Year! (P.S all of the dots at a certain part are some charms that i couldn't think up...just ignore them! I will change it in the new edition...opps)

Jill

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**Rating: Is R, refer to chapter one as to why.**

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**Disclaimer: And with the announcement of J.K's release date, I to release something of my own…yet not my own…everything in my chapters past, present, and future are based off of her wonderful books.**

**Chapter Three**

**Lily**

'_As every fairy tale comes real'_

I heard footsteps in the corridors outside and voices sounding excited, nervous and a few very obnoxious. I waited in my seat staring straight ahead. Miss Big Head Girl gave me train duty, alone. Once all the students leave I had to make sure that everything and everyone is off the train.

Twenty minutes later the train was checked and double-checked and I was walking towards the very last carriage. I saw Remus standing outside, waiting; he told me that he would.

"All set Lily?"

"Yes, finally, I am starving," I smiled.

I got in the carriage, with Remus behind me and I went to the far end. Remus sat across from me and then another person entered. James Potter.

"Christ, no chance in hell am I staying here, let me out, I will walk if I have to," I yelled getting out of my seat and straight for the door.

"No Lily, it will take you forever to walk to the castle, and plus you said that you were starving," Remus said grabbing me around the waist and sitting me down in my seat.

"Nice to see you again to Lily, how was the rest of your trip?" James asked, as if nothing was wrong, Merlin he knew nothing.

"Bloody miserable, no thanks to you, know Remus let me go, I refuse to be within ten feet of this man," I yelled, there was no chance that I was going to let him get to me again.

James sighed, got up from his seat and opened the door.

"Where are you going James?" Remus asked.

"If Lily doesn't want me here, I'll walk, there's no point of her being angry, I can tell she has no time for me."

I was amazed, he was willing to get out and walk all the way to Hogwarts. In all fairness it was a decent night. Though just as I thought that, the clouds opened up and it started to pour. I looked into his eyes, my mouth hanging open, why would he get out, in the pouring rain, just because I wanted him too?

He saw me staring at him and said, "and not to worry Lily, you won't find me closer than ten feet to the carriage."

And with that, he jumped off the steps, closed the door and we were off. I looked over at Remus; it was very surprising to see that he had an amused look on his face.

"I'm sorry Remus, I really didn't mean for him to go, I was just mad at him that's all."

He laughed, "Mad at him? For almost kissing you? Or was that the other way around?"

I was awestruck, how did Remus know about our little episode? Surly James didn't tell him. Wait, of course James would tell him, Christ that man couldn't keep his mouth closed for long enough.

"We didn't 'almost kiss', I was trying to get rid of him," I said.

Remus laughed, "well you're doing a fine job of it."

I slumped back in my seat and crossed my arms of my chest. What right did he have to tell Remus of what happened there? For all I know, the rest of the Marauders know as well.

"Don't worry Lily, he only told me, and he said you had nothing to do with it."

I looked at him, it was slightly amusing to see him squirm, I didn't take pride in that.

"Well you know, he said that he almost kissed you, not the other way around, if that's any consolation."

"Yes, it is," I said turning to look out of the window. Out of the corner of my eye I could see one James Potter walked a good ten feet behind us.

"You don't have to worry about him," Remus said.

I sighed, "I know, it's just a pity that–"

"That he has to walk outside?"

"No, that-"

"That it's raining?"

"No, that-"

"That he'll be late for the feast?"

"For Christ's sake Remus! Will you bloody stop interrupting me?" I yelled, I was going to ring his head if he did it one more time.

"Sorry Lily," he said looking down.

"Now, like I was saying, it's a pity that he's doing this."

"Doing what?"

"You know, being all infatuated. That is what he's doing, right? I mean he is in some form of love with me?" I said.

"Yes, I believe he is, and – oh look, we're here." Remus said as the carriage stopped.

I looked out window one last time and saw no sign of James; I can say I was a bit disappointed.

We walked in somewhat of a one-sided comfortable silence into the Great Entrance Hall. Professor McGonagall was taking order of the First-Years by the stairs, and was preoccupied with a rather hellous child, which gave us the chance to sneak in.

I started to walk towards the far end of the Gryffindor table when Remus grabbed my arm.

"Sit over here, the guys won't mind," Remus smiled leading me over to the rest of the Marauders.

"Hey Moony, Hi Lily, where did my good friend Jamie get off to? He said that he would be with you," Sirius said looking around us to see if James was hiding.

"He walked," Remus said, gathering confused looked from both Peter and Sirius.

"He walked? In the rain? On his own free will?" Peter asked.

"Not entirely, Lily refused to be within ten feet of him, so he volunteered to walk, save for the fact that it was decent when he agreed to it." Remus said taking his seat across from Peter, while I sat across from Sirius.

Sirius gave a sideways glance to Peter and mouthed 'only Lily'. Thankfully, on their part, Professor McGonagall came in with the group of first years. The Sorting Hat was placed on a wobbly three-legged stool, and it's mouth, if that's what you so call it, opened.

'It is me to tell of the school,

but turning times hold fast.

One simple message I give to you

hold strong and we will last.'

The hall broke into whispers and all the teachers stared at the hat as if they thought it would speak again. All the first years looked around nervously, and few with eyes full of doubt. They had heard from their brothers or sisters of the elaborate songs that the Sorting Hat told, and this was neither elaborate nor a song, no doubt very confusing.

Professor McGonagall looked up at Professor Dumbledore for some sort of sign, message, anything. He stood up and raised his arms. "The hat has been known to give warnings before, please take it into consideration, please Professor McGonagall, continue."

Professor McGonagall read out the first name, and a little blond girl ran up to the chair and was immediately placed in Huffelpuff.

I poked Remus in the ribs to get his attention, "what were you going to say?"

He looked at me confused, "when?"

"Right before the carriage stopped, it seemed to be important." I really was interested it what he was going to say, curiosity was more of the word.

"I was just going to say, that you seem to be in some form of love with him too."

My jaw dropped, how did he know? Of course I wasn't about to tell him that he had me figured out so the only thing to do was deny.

"What the hell are you talking about? I am not in love with him."

Remus smiled, turning his head back to the line of students, "think what you may Lily, but you love him, I'll bet Peter on it."

This conversation caught Sirius attention and he nudged Peter, "Oh Lily has a crush on our Jamie, this is something new."

I turned on Sirius, "now Black, when did you ever think it was polite to bud into others conversations?"

"Since you mentioned, in order, love, bet, Peter. All of those things happen to be in some shape or form traced to me," he smiled leaning his arm on the table.

I ignored him and turned back to the Sorting Ceremony. From what I gathered, we received six new Gyffindors, and apparently lost one, since James still hadn't come back yet, I know because believe me, I was watching.

After Professor McGonagall's line disappeared, she took the Sorting Hat into the room just off the Great Hall, and sat next to Dumbledore. Dumbledore then stood up and raised his arms, "Many are expecting heavy handed words for such times, but is not one, dig in!" And with that the tables were suddenly full of food and everyone did exactly that, dug in.

The four of us ate in silence; each taking out turns, privately, looking at the door to see if James was standing there. Finally Peter said, "maybe one of us should go and look for him, even if James is a slow walker, he should be here by now."

This was when I started to panic. First off, James was missing by far one of the best feasts of the year, second, I couldn't take anymore of Sirius' shifty stares, and thirdly, this was all my fault, what if he had gotten hurt, or taken, or killed? It would have been all on my shoulders. Just then the fifth year Prefects stood up to take the first years to the common room. We all took this as out que to leave as well, since they are, unfortunately, the only ones who have the password. As the Prefects lead, Peter and myself got into a rather heated discussion over charms. He claims that ………… does ……………, while it really does ……………, I should know, I am an expert at charms.

We stopped just outside the portrait of the Fat Lady and somewhat listened to the Prefect monologue. She – the Prefect - then said the password, St. France, and the portrait swung open.

"And this," the Prefect began, "is the common –what the hell are you doing here James?"

Surprising James was sitting in one of the winged armchairs in front of the fireplace. He shut the book that he was reading and looked up at the crowd.

"Oh Jane, don't let me distract you, keep going with your speech, it's rather good."

She blushed, "It's not as if you're distracting me, it's just, how did you get in?"

James smiled his 'all knowing smile' very sexy. "You're not the only one who knows their way about the school. Night all, I'm rather tired. Oh and Lily, don't worry, I measured, from me to you, is eleven feet, I have a foot to spare." He turned on his heel, book under his arm and started towards the stairs.

In all honesty, it was very sweet that he was still going on about the ten feet thing, but I really didn't mean it. Most things that came out of my mouth around him I didn't mean.

"James, a word please, outside," I said, I was going to let him know, gently, that it was getting old.

"Anything Lily dear, though perhaps it would be better if you wrote what you were going to say to me and then owl it, that way your still –"

"Potter, now," I warned. It really doesn't take me long to get worked up. I am a red head and all. I walked out of the common room, past snickering Peter and Sirius, whom I shoved, and out into the corridor. James followed at a spacious length doing the same to Peter and Sirius. All of the Gryffindors slowly made there way into the common room, looking at both of us with worried faces. From record, these kinds of situations generally turn out very badly.

"Now Lily, what is it that you wanted to talk about?"

I sighed, "Christ Potter, cut it out. Yeah I get it, you're in love with me, that doesn't mean that -"

He laughed. "I'm in love with you? How did you figure that Evans? Was it the episode on the train? I thought you were playing me, not the other way around. And who lead you on to this crazy idea of me loving you?"

I looked at the floor. If he wasn't in love with me, than what else? "Remus."

James smiled. "Trust me Lil, I am far away from falling in love with you." He began to walk away.

Christ how dumb did he think I was? "From what I understand, you're very far away from falling in love."

He looked over he should, then towards the ground, "You are one clever witch Miss. Evans." With that he continued into the common room and I assume up to his dormitory. My first night back at Hogwarts and for the first time, I was not afraid to admit that James was clearly in my dreams.

**James**

_"To say I love you right out loud,"_

The train ride went by fast enough. I had to turn down three more offers, but with a good friend like Sirius, none of the girls went away feeling rejected. Remus passed in and out, mostly due to Prefect stuff. He told me before he left that Lily's round time was at four. So I figured that I had a good two hours to figure out how to 'court' her. Four came and went, and no sign of Lily. My eyes were constantly looking out the window into the corridor to see if she was passing by, but no such luck.

A while after the train stopped and Remus came back into our compartment. At that time it was only Peter and I since Sirius was off charming one of my rejectie's.

"Sorry James," Remus said.

I looked at him confused. "For what?"

"Lily never showed up for rounds, I knew that you wanted to talk to her."

I laughed. "Moony, mate, don't worry about it. I have an entire year to talk to her."

Remus smiled, "That's true, but you're coming in the carriage with me, I promised Lily I'd wait."

My laughter stopped, "What are you talking about?"

"Lily missed her rounds, so she has to do train duty."

"Why did she miss her rounds, she is always on top of things?"

"There's a first for everything. Come on, let's grab a carriage, Sirius is waiting for Peter outside."

We got off the train and somewhere in the crowd we lost Peter, and I happen to lose myself as well. The next thing I knew I was in the line with the First Year having Hagrid standing in front of me.

I finally found Remus standing outside the last carriage seeing Lily just step in. I smiled and followed in after her. I ran across the remaining ground and jumped in as well.

"Christ, no chance in hell am I staying here, let me out, I will walk if I have to."

Well that wasn't as warm of a welcome that I was expecting, but really anything would have done.

"No Lily, it will take you forever to walk to the castle, and plus you said that you were starving," Remus said.

Lily stood up and tried to shove past me, but Remus grabbed her waist and sat her down in her seat. I must say, I was a bit jealous of him at the time. Now would have been a good time to say that I was sorry. I wasn't really sure of what, but I heard or read somewhere that guys should always apologize (even if it was the girls fault).

"Nice to see you again to Lily, how was the rest of your trip?" That wasn't really the angle that I was going for. It probably sounded more sarcastic that sincere. But she was really too angry to even notice at the time.

"Bloody miserable, no thanks to you, now Remus let me go, I refuse to be within ten feet of this man," she yelled.

Christ I didn't think that she hated me that much. Maybe she wasn't in love with me; well I knew that she was in love with me, but a little less than I had hoped. I figured the only way for Lily to be happy was to leave, and walk, I really hated walking, I usually avoided it at all costs. Why am I considering walking just because it make her happy?" Simple, because when she's happy, she glows.

I stood up and started to open the coach door, "where are you going James?" Remus asked.

"If Lily doesn't want me here, I'll walk, there's no point of her being angry, I can tell she has no time for me." I looked over my shoulder and saw the priceless look on Lily's face. The look was mostly shock, shock of why I was going to walk? Maybe. Shock of why I was walking in the rain that just started? Even more so. Shock of why I didn't walk in the first place? Most defiantly. "And not to worry Lily, you won't find me closer than ten feet to the carriage."

I really think that she would hardly noticed if I were two feet behind or two hundred feet behind, but it seemed to be the only thing that she cared passionately about at the moment, so why not.

I jumped out of the carriage and watched it pulled away. I waited a few seconds, well until I thought it was an estimated ten feet, and started walking. The rain actually felt quite refreshing from being in that stuffy train. Speaking about the train that situation really needed some thinking over. First off, Remus was right (as always) Lily had changed, and for the good in my eyes. She actually pulled a half prank on me, that's half way to a full prank and where there's a full prank, there's me. And doing a half prank means that she's half way to a full prank meaning she's half way to me. She's fifty percent away from my arms. But really once you take my current situation into mind, I am about ten feet away from her, so that's really forty percent, but then again I was inches away from her earlier, so that could make up for about five percent, and then there was flirting so that's another five percent. So really I'm back at fifty. Second, was it just me, or did she grow more beautiful over the summer? I really didn't think it was possible, last year she was stunning. I personally was a little frightened that she had reached the peak of her beauty last year and that year she would grow steadily uglier. But clearly I was over reacting.

I'm usually a good student, get good grades, well good enough to just be ahead of Lily and just enough to piss her off, but when it comes to everyday things, I'm the first to admit that it's one of my weaker areas. What I'm getting at is that I as now unable to see the carriage in front of me, mostly because I was a good distance away from it, and also because it had started to rain quite hard now and the once dirt road was now mud. I wanted to get into the castle as soon as possible, so I ran. Again, not so wise since mud tends to get sticky, and my shoes weren't tired properly. So with finding my one shoe alone took awhile, and the rain continued to pour. And while making my way over to the grass, since I was now on Hogwarts grounds, I figured; if I have one shoe off, why not make it two? So off whet my other shoe. Then, I thought why am I wearing socks? They weren't keeping me warm, my feet were freezing. They were really only keeping my feet from getting muddy, but when I got inside, I was planning on taking a shower anyways, so what the hell, off came the socks. I must say that the trip was rather enjoyable, I never felt this muddy before. It was bloody excellent.

Again those past few decisions were not the brightest and naturally, when I came into the castle, Argus Flitch, the newly appointed caretaker of the inside of Hogwarts, was there to ride my arse about how I was first off, late for the feast, and second off tracking muddy prints all over his freshly cleaned floor, which was probably dirty from all the others here before. But one good thing came out of this meeting; I got a detention, before any other person in that school, that was worth an award, or at least some mentioning. And I would be bragging to Sirius later on, he was always the one to score the first detention of the year, but no, not this time. I could already tell this was going to be a fantastic year.

By order of Flitch I was to head straight for the nearest bathroom and clean up then report to the feast. Yeah right, like that was going to happen. I went up the large staircase and faked turning right to the bathroom. But once I was down the hall, I ran my finger along the side of the old Hogwarts painting and it opened to revile a dark corridor.

"Ah!" I whispered, "Now I am truly home."

Well it didn't take me long at all to make my way down the hall and come out on the other side, which just happens to be the portrait to the left of the Fat Lady. I stepped in front of her and she raised her brows.

"Mr. Potter you really should be down at the feast."

I laughed, she of all people she know me better than that. "I truly was Madame, but I am terribly afraid that the trip up here has really tired me out and I was finding it very hard to keep my eyes open long enough to even blink. So if you don't mind, I would love to turn in early."

She looked down her nose at me and I put on my best puppy dog eyes, hey, it might not work at home, but it's good as new at school. She rolled her eyes and swung open, "Only this once Mr. Potter, and only because I have taken a certain liking to you."

I walked in and tipped my pretend hat, "only this once. Gentlemen's honour." She was just about closed when she spoke again,

"Mr. Potter, may I ask why your feet are covered in mud?"

I thought for a moment. "Since I was so tired getting off the train, I accidentally stepped into a mud puddle, ah, clumsy me I guess." She laughed and closed fully.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a crumbled piece of paper; on it there were two barely legible words, St. France. This was the password for the beginning of the year. I bought it off of some kid on the train who says he has connections to the Head Girl. Christ, just because he's her brother, does not mean that he has connections. I had connections with her last year, quite a few of them actually and you don't see me bragging about them.

I walked up to the boy's dorm, and went inside my usual one, which was the very last on the left hand side. I got in, jumped in the shower and was out in less than half an hour. I looked at my watch and smiled, I guesstimated that feast would just be starting so I had enough time to make a quick trip to the kitchens. I grabbed my invisibility cloak; it was my fathers old one from work, and snuck out of the portrait.

"Mr. Potter, you promised me I wouldn't have to let you in again." Damn, she did know me.

"I know the password Madame, a promise is a promise."

She smiled, "very well, off you go, and same as always I suppose, no student came out of the common room?"

I laughed. "No, I don't think it will be necessary."

She nodded her head and turned to talk to Violet who just appeared in the next frame.

The whole alluring sport, which is of me sneaking down to the kitchens right under the teachers nose, wasn't really in that great of affect that night. Most, if not all the teachers were at the feast and Flitch was still in the Entrance Hall. So after standing in front of the fruit for a while trying to figure out if it was safe enough to take off my cloak, I cast a harmless levitating spell on a chuck of stray rock and then dropped it. I waited for a couple of minutes and no one came, so off went my clock and tickling came to the pear. The portrait barely opened and a house elf came running up.

"Oy! Mr. James? Yous not up at the feast! Yous must be hungry!"

And before I could protest a miniature replica of the feast upstairs was right in front of me. When was it ever of me to turn down food? And especially when they give it away so graciously? So to show my school spirit and to please the house elves staring up at me, I ate it, not all, but most, and bloody hell it was good.

I could hear the scrape of benches moving away from the table above and I decided to leave, I still had enough time to get up to the common room, that is if I could get to the passage way. Stupid Prefects always choose the top of the stairs as their 'pow wow' spot.

Luckily once I got upstairs, the majority of students (including my fair Lily) were still inside the Great Hall. So I slipped into my handy dandy sneaky passageway, damn, why are Sirius 'nick names' so catchy? And I made back into the Common Room with just enough time left the grab for the nearest book and pretend like I had been doing this for a large period of time.

I could hear a crowd of people gather outside the common room and then Jane, the prefect, cleared her voice and said rather loudly that the password was indeed, St. France. All the while I was reading my book. Or pretending to at least. I remember all those years ago when Lily was the one screaming her head off in front of the students. Oh yes and then she yelled at me and Sirius for acting like, I believe it was, 'immature prats'. But I continued to look down at my book just as the portrait door opened.

"And this," Jane said, "is the common –what the hell are you doing here James?"

It was a real treat to see their faces. Especially Lily's. It was mostly a mixture of amusement and surprise. And for my benefit, no trace of anger. But the first years were really fun. I could just imagine the things that were running through their heads, I was the one that all their sisters marvelled at and all their brothers warned them about.

"Oh Jane, don't let me distract you, keep going with your speech, it's rather good."

She blushed, "It's not as if you're distracting me, it's just, how did you get in?"

I smiled, this was rich, "you're not the only one who knows their way about the school. Night all, I'm rather tired. Oh and Lily, don't worry, I measured, from me to you, is eleven feet, I have a foot to spare." I turned on my heel smiling to myself, that statement would surly get Lily pissed.

"James, a word please, outside," she said. Oh man I was going to get it, I would be able to see that famous Lily temper. And Christ was I going to enjoy every minute of it.

"Anything Lily dear, though perhaps it would be better if you wrote what you were going to say to me and then owl it, that way your still –"

"Potter, now." Wow she meant business, but in all fairness to her, I really must have been annoying, but why would I care?

As she walked out, the crowd of students parted and near the back I saw Peter and Sirius laughing. Lily seemed to have read my mind since when she walked past them she slugged both in the arm. But in my opinion that wasn't nearly enough, so when I walked past, I too hit them rather hard.

"Now Lily, what is it that you wanted to talk about?"

She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Christ Potter, cut it out. Yeah I get it, you're in love with me, that doesn't mean that -"

I laughed a very nervous laugh. I can only guess who would have assumed this. "I'm in love with you? How did you figure that Evans? Was it the episode on the train? I thought you were playing me, not the other way around. And who lead you on to this crazy idea of me loving you?"

She looked towards her shoes, clearly taken back a bit. It's a pity, she's really cute when she thinks she on to something. "Remus."

I smiled, this could work out in my favour after all. "Trust me Lil, I am far away from falling in love with you." Remus's mind games are rubbing off on me, I clearly was in love with her, I just couldn't bloody say it out loud, she was smart, she would figure it out.

After a moment, I heard her take a breath. "From what I understand, you're very far away from falling in love."

I looked over my shoulder, "you are one clever witch Miss. Evans." I turned on my heel and walked into the common room. That must have given her enough to think about for one night. To my misfortune when I got back up to the dorm, everyone, except for Remus that is, wanted to know what happened. I simply shut my hangings and closed my eyes thinking of only one person.

* * *

HEY EVERYONE!

This could be long awaited, or maybe not so much….but here is a bit from chapter 4! I hope you like it! Please tell me what you think! Thanks a lot!

Jill

**Chapter Four**

**Lily**

_But that morning I walked out of the Portrait and he was leaning up against the nearest wall looking down into his History of Magic book. I kind of did a double take, not fully convinced that he was indeed there. His attention seemed to be drawn, probably by this damned red hair, and he smiled closing the book with one hand. _

"_I was waiting for you."_

_I began walking as if to lose him. Like that was going to happen. He is an excellent chaser. "Why?"_

"_Because I wanted to talk to you."_

"_We just talked for 5 minutes."_

"_Yah, but come on Lils, 5 minutes?"_

_I stopped and turned to face him. "Look James. I really enjoy our talks, I do, but that's why we have them, so we can avoid each other the rest of the day. It's our system."_

_Well that came out nicer than expected. James must have gotten to me. I was going for a 'piss off Potter' like I usually say, but for some reason I feel that if I had said that he would have shoved me into that broom closest for a snog. Not that I would have objected. _

_"Sorry James, I have to go."_


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! I just wanted to repost this so that I could put up a part of Chapter Five on the bottom. Hopefully you all like it and, yes Chapter Five will be coming soon...I have half way done it. And just to make sure everythink is clear from all the already up chapters, the lyrics at the beginning are from Joni Mitchels' song, Both Sides Now, and I suppose the title came from that too...**

**_Rating_: R. Mostly because of language and content. There will be some 'other' stuff later on.**

**_Disclaimer_: JK. What can I say about JK Rowling except that fact that she is brillient and wonderful for not only coming up with Harry, Hermione, Ron and all the other "modern" Harry Potter characters, but for having the love of my life James. As well as Lily, Sirius, Remus and that other guy...his name escapes me. I have the uncanny talent of forgetting the name of betrayal. So everything plus more that I mentioned here is all hers. **

**Chapter Four**

**_Lily_**

_"But now old friends are acting strange"_

I unfortunately didn't wake up that morning, since I happened to already be awake for the majority of the night. I really don't understand how he is just able to shake me, and yet not shake himself in the process. Well anyways, I hoped he's happy, my first day of sixth year and I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open long enough to see what's for breakfast.

So at about six o'clock I willingly got out of bed, and took a shower. I fell asleep in there. There was a positive and a negative to that motion, first off, I got about half an hour of sleep, but then I was freezing cold. I really hoped that James had a good sleep, for his sake.

I slowly got dressed and grabbed my books, then I rushed down to the common room to sit in front of the fireplace for a good ten minutes, no one would be up till at least eight. I dragged one of the winged armchairs up to the fire and relaxed. I know realized that sitting there was exactly like sex, heat washing over me, the clear sense of mind, the hand on my shoulder. What? Hand on my shoulder? I shook myself awake and found James looking down at me.

"Enjoying yourself Evans?"

"In fact I was, until you came along."

"Well I'm deeply sorry, but you're not the only one who got hardly any sleep last night," James said pulling up another chair.

"What? How did you know I was up?"

"Gentlemen's intuition. Or the fact that you have bags under your eyes…take your pick."

I thought for a moment. "Gentlemen's intuition, I don't think of you as much of an observer."

James laughed. "Sirius and Peter decided to have a game of 'Fire Throw' around two o'clock and they woke me up when my bed hanging caught on fire. Why were you up? I doubt your roommates would play Fire Throw in the wee morning hours."

I sighed. "Thoughts I suppose, they seem to keep me up most of the time."

He looked into the fire. "Sorry about the whole thing yesterday Lily, I guess that was rather childish of me."

"Don't worry about it," I said. Out of six years of knowing him, this was the first time I had actually had a partly civil conversation with him.

"So does this mean we can try to be friends?"

Well it had been confirmed, James was officially off his rocker. Either that or hell had frozen over. But the paper was saying that it was an unusually warm fall…so the latter of the two didn't quite seem to fit.

"James…I don't know…"

"Come on Lily, just try. I am actually a really great person just ask Sirius…no better not… ask Remus, he always says nice things about me."

I looked him in the eye I didn't think he was lying; he runs his hands though his hair when ever he's lying. No I did already know that. Like I would ever pick up on something that small (said I running my hand though my hair).

"Look Lily, I know I can be a real prat and I know that I usually can't stop insulting you, but I figured since I am half asleep and you're half asleep, we are on equal ground, so come on, give it a chance."

I sighed. He had me cornered. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. "Alright we can be…acquaintances. And if you don't screw up, we can talk about being friends."

"Deal," he smiled. He got off his chair and walked away when I mumbled under my breath, "lucky I don't count what you said last night."

"Oh and Lily what did I say last night? The lack of sleep seems to have made my memory a touch foggy," he asked apparently hearing me.

"I believe that you remember quite well since Sirius and Peter slept in the common room last night."

I heard him smile…well not really I just assumed that he did. But heard him walk up behind me and leaned over the back of the chair so his chin was just above my shoulder.

"I do remember quite well and I believe that the words have never been truer, especially at this moment. See you down at breakfast."

That morning seemed to be just a small taste of what the next two months would be like. I would talk to him right before I went to bed; he would say something to me that was completely unexpected and it would shake me so much, that I would be up for the next eight hours.

So naturally I developed immunity for three hours of sleep. Then I would wake up, sit by the fire, he would come down, again we would talk and then he would whisper see you down at breakfast in my ear, and then leave. The first week I didn't think much of it, actually I was considering getting mad at him and abandoning our acquaintance relationship, but I always said I will tell him tomorrow. Well tomorrow always came and went and James was still an acquaintance.

The talks we had in the morning were random. Mostly how was your day (pertaining to the day before), have any homework left over, and if yes do you need any help with it, just the usual outlining uncomfortable conversations. But they were talks none the less, meaning that in the next month of this…I had gotten to know another side of James Potter. Not the side that wanted to jump me whenever I lay on the couch, but the James Potter that wanted to get to know about me before he jumped me as I lay on the couch. This didn't seem to bother me at the time because even though I was learning more about him, I never really let him know about me.

October rolled around and classes were starting to pick up. For me that is…I really only had to take two classes, charms and muggle studies, both of which were rather easy. Only because I was one of the few students that did not want to become an Auror in my year.

With the turn of the times and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named on the rampage, everyone seemed to be effected by it. You couldn't walk down a corridor without someone saying how their mother was killed, their father was killed, their childhood best friend was killed by a deatheater. So naturally all of those people wanted revenge, and the only way to do that, or so they thought, was the start their training to become an Auror. I for one had never thought of becoming one. The only idea of tracking and killing people who have been tracking and killing other's seemed some what ironic to me. But then again, I also hated the sight of blood and just that fact ruled out an entire book full of job opportunities. So the teaching profession just seemed to be calling my name.

I was planning on become a Muggle Studies teacher, mostly because I am muggleborn, and it was about the only job that didn't serotype against muggleborn's. Both of these classes I happened to share with the Marauders and in both of those classes James and myself acted as though we haven't spoken since our first night back. We both decided that it would be a good idea to keep our morning talks on a down low since we figured the reaction between the three of them would be catastrophic. And not to mention the entire schools reaction, I believe that there is a group of about fifty students who have an on going bet to when we will kill each other or start going out. I would have hated to see their fun ruined. At the time that seemed a good enough reason not to update our status to friends.

After one of our morning talks in October, I went down to breakfast at the usual time, meaning five minutes after James left so I would avoid running into him in the corridors. But that morning I walked out of the Portrait and he was leaning up against the nearest wall looking down into his History of Magic book. I kind of did a double take, not fully convinced that he was indeed there. His attention seemed to be drawn, probably by this damned red hair, and he smiled closing the book with one hand.

"I was waiting for you."

I began walking as if to lose him. Like that was going to happen. He is an excellent chaser. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you."

"We just talked for five minutes."

"Come on Lils, five minutes?"

I stopped and turned to face him. "Look James. I really enjoy our talks, I do, but that's why we have them, so we can avoid each other the rest of the day. It's our system."

Well that came out nicer than expected. James must have gotten to me. I was going for a 'piss off Potter' like usual.

"Sorry James, I have to go." I started to walk away. I suppose I was half hoping that he would call me back and shove me roughly into the nearest broom closet and snog, but who was I kidding, I just broke his heart.

He just stood there. I suppose looking ahead, but I didn't turn around to see. For some odd reason there were tears in my eyes. I never cried, in public. In the privacy of my own room…maybe, but never anywhere people actually can see me.

My pace quickened as people started to pass me in the corridors. I looked at my feet trying to avoid running into anyone. But as I suddenly landed on the ground, I discovered that was not a success. A hand grabbed me under my arm and pulled me to my feet.

"Can't move your own legs Evans?"

"Not now Sirius."

"How come it's always 'not now Sirius'? Are you ever in a good mood around me?"

I wiped a tear off my cheek with the back of my hand, still looking at the ground.

"It's not you. Sorry but I have to get down to breakfast." I tried to go past him, but his hand was still under my arm and he pulled me back toward him.

"Now, now. We never walk away upset," he said pulling me toward the nearest classroom.

"Please Sirius; I just want to go-"

"Forget? Evans it's too late for that. Both of us know that you can't. Not now, especially not now."

I looked up at him. "What are you talking about? You are looking too much into this Sirius."

He laughed. "Am I? Merlin Lily, I'm not the one crying."

I crossed my arms.

"Lily, come on. You might not see it, but James has fallen for you. You can't ignore that. From the looks of it, you tried to. And where did that land you? In this classroom with me."

I turned to leave. I didn't need to listen to him. Not from Black.

"Leave if you want Lily. The only place that you won't run into James is here."

He did have a point. I hate when Sirius has points. I stopped and turned back to look at him. He smiled.

"I was only kidding. You can go. Actually it's not an option. You have to go, if James catches us in here, we're as good as dead."

I looked back at him. His face broke into the usual Sirius smile that made girls fall to their knees, and then I walked out of the room only to be met by the angriest face I have seen in a long while.

"Lily, why are you in there with Sirius?"

I stumped over my words, it's not like I was hiding something, but I was never a good liar.

"Lily, what the fuck were you doing in there with Sirius?"

Again, I tried to find words but none came out. James eyes grew, he shoved me into the door frame and walked past. I could see Sirius gathering his books at one of the desks, apparently unaware that James was coming up behind him. James reached him; he grabbed Sirius' shoulder and spun him around. The hand that was free was clenched into a fist and flew into Sirius right cheek bone.

"Bloody hell James" Sirius staggered back, his hand whipping the non-existent blood away from his face. He looked at his hand and then out of no where lunged at James throat, catching both James and myself by surprise. I couldn't let them go at in into the middle of a classroom, it would have been a shame if they killed each other, the world would have lost two good wizards. So I stepped in.

I dropped my books and walked over to pull James off of Sirius, who was now on the bottom. At this time they both had their hands around each others throats and were getting dirty from rolling around on the floor. It was rather primitive, but strangely I couldn't turn away. I grabbed the collar of James robes and tried to pull him off that way. It didn't really work. By now, they were both looking a little blue from the lack of oxygen that they were cutting off from each other. I bent down and pried James hands off from around Sirius neck, which did not come easily. I, with surprising force, threw James up against the nearest wall. After a few moments of laboured breathing from both parties, and Sirius still on the ground James spoke,

"Is this why you couldn't talk? You had to come down here and shag Sirius?"

This made me furious. My hand let go of his collar and I slapped him hard on the cheek. He stayed for a while with his head turned to one side; he then slowly turned back to look at me, his eyes were watering. I strangely felt sorry from him.

"We were just talking James."

"Like hell you were."

It was my turn to cry.

"James, we were just talking."

He glared at me.

"James please."

He pushed past me. He stormed out without looking at Sirius and without looking back.

_**James**_

'_It's love's illusions I recall'_

I had an amazing sleep that night. It was heavenly, and Lily looked smashing. Her red hair shines off of my white sheets. Truly, truly spectacular.

Unfortunately, all good dreams must end, and mine ended with Peter shouting for me to get out of bed, not only because it was morning, but because my bed hangers were in flames. My perfect night had evolved into a not so perfect morning. Sirius, as usual, used up all the hot water in his quest to have a clean start for a new year. I don't believe that was what he was doing, and in fact when I thought about it, I never wanted to take a shower there again. And of course I came to this conclusion whilst I was showering. So with the combination of cold water and Sirius, I'd say I was out of that room pretty damn fast. I ran out of disaster and into perfection. Lily Evans was sitting there by the fire place, peacefully relaxing, and hopefully dreaming about me. As I came closer, she had this smile on her face, a smile that is distinctive to Lily. The smile that I can't help but smile about. She had her leg draped over one arm of the chair and her back facing the other one. I was afraid of disturbing her; she was so beautiful in fire light. I finally built up enough never to put my hand on her shoulder. And the rest was history. And not the history that in, for example, Hogwarts: A History (Lily's favourite book). But a Lily History in my head. This conversation is right up there with the hundredth time she turned me down. Though this memory is much happier, it was the first non-threatening conversation that I have ever had with Lily.

To be completely honest, the only thing I can remember about that morning was her hair. It was beautifully flawless down to the very last curl. There was a perfect combination of the early sun and the firelight that made those few minutes unforgettable. Actually, that's not true, I forgot. Her hair though…stunning.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"I got detention."

He looked up from his breakfast for the first time that morning.

"No way."

"Yes way. Got it yesterday for tracking mud in after walking."

"No way!"

"Yes way. Does that beat any record of yours?"

"No, Alice gave me one last year on the train, sorry mate."

"I was close though."

He held up his thumb and index finder and spaced them about an inch from one another, and then shook his head and resumed eating. "Not really mate, I still got you beat, better luck next year."

Remus, who was sitting next to me, nudged my elbow and shook his head.

"He was indisposed that train ride, a certain brunette held his attention longer than the lingering promise of trouble."

Sirius looked up again and pointed his fork, flinging scramble eggs on to Peter, and shook it threateningly.

"Don't go their Moony; I win that game every time."

"And what game is that?"

Sirius thought for a moment. "The kicking your lying arse game."

"Ah yes, the Being Primitive Sirius Game, familiarly seen being played with the Slytherins. Have you run out of them this year Padfoot?"

Sirius growled and looked back at his food, tearing his sausages apart with his fork. Remus turned back to me.

"Yes James, you have broken Sirius record, his earliest was the first night back, holding a kissing booth in the corridors when the Opening Feast let out, third year I believe."

Sirius looked up again.

"You know Moony, one can really question your sanity if you memorized all of the times that either of us have gotten detention."

Remus looked at me and then shook his head.

"No, I only remember that time because you tried to kiss Lily, and then told me not to tell James…oh sorry mate, it slipped."

Sirius' eyes grew wide and shoved the rest of the eggs on his plate into his mouth and ran.

I laughed and reached over to grab an abandoned piece of toast off of Sirius plate.

"It's not like Lily let him," I laughed.

Remus shot me a sideways glance and then nervously picked at his hotcakes. "Of course not James, Lily is much smarted then that."

I started to laugh and then the truth hit me.

"Shit."

Unfortunately for Sirius, we have all of our classes together so when I didn't find him in the corridors, he was in my first class, Charms. I sat in our usual spot after getting Sirius into a headlock and making him swear that he would never go anywhere near Lily for the next twenty years. Not far behind up entering, Lily came in. I only had two classes with her; she had decided to become a Professor, probably here at Hogwarts. In these classes I had to make our time together count. I was about to get up and go and talk to her, but the conversation from this morning flashed though my head.

"Deal," I smiled. I got up and started to walk out. She then mumbled something under her breath that sounded exactly like, "lucky I don't count what you said last night."

"Oh and Lily what did I say last night? The lack of sleep seems to have made my memory a touch foggy," I asked. Damn she knew. She remembered. Excellent. But she didn't know that I knew that she knew what she was talking about. I good with those things.

"I believe that you remember quite well since Sirius and Peter slept in the common room last night."

I smiled. Yes, she knew. I walked up behind her chair and lowered my mouth to her ear and whispered. "I do remember quite well and I believe that the words have never been truer, especially at this moment. See you down at breakfast."

Now it was after breakfast, and I didn't see her because I was chasing Sirius. What was I supposed to say? Something witty? No, my wit escapes me in the morning classes; I have to focus on staying awake before coming up with a witty remark for Lily's questions.

I sat there. I was frozen. I had no idea what to say. I stayed up all night thinking about what I would say to her in the morning. Yes, I stayed up all night. I didn't sleep a wink. How could I when I was less then three feet away from her? Sleep was impossible with that small distance. Professor Flitwick came in and my chance to talk to her was forgotten away with the Memory Charm.

That was how it was everyday. I wanted to talk to her, but I never got the chance. The only time I got to talk to her was in the morning, she was by the fire place waiting for our usual uncomfortable conversation. I was defiantly not complaining about it. It was the most time I had ever spent with her, one on one, and it was heaven.

She would never admit it, but she was in a difficult spot. Not her in general, but with the risk of sounding rude, her kind. All Muggleborns were being discriminated against; they were to the point where people denied them jobs in fear of having their place of work becoming a target. My father works in the Ministry, and I heard him and my mother. They were having a hell of a time with unemployment rates. Business wouldn't hire Muggleborns, and the ones that already had them would let them go. The one man responsible for all of this is Voldermort. He had single handily, not really, but he had destroyed the wizarding economy as we know it. I can guarantee that in the future, these events happening now will pay a huge toll on Muggleborn wizards. It's hell. I want to prevent this, hence me being interested in becoming an Auror. Me and the one million other students at Hogwarts, except the Slytherins, they will all take over for their fathers or mothers when they are killed fighting for Voldermort. Sure I am exaggerating, there are hardly a million people here, but still, everyone wants to be one now. The Ministry has glorified the position. They make it look like you make money, like you get the girl and you get to be the hero. Sure you rid to world of evil, but it's hardly worth the pay, and you never have time for a girl and the hero thing. Ha. Sure you're the hero when you do something right though hardly anyone knows that you did something at all, but make one tiny mistake, and you are criticized to the point of you losing your job. I love that kind of pressure, that's the stuff I live for. My family has money, that won't be an issue, I won't make mistakes, and Sirius will be beside me, showing him up is enough hero status I need. Then the girl issue…Lily will understand me having to save the world.

Speaking of Lily. Every morning I would meet her by the fireplace for our little chats. As I have mentioned before. We mutually decided to keep these talks and our newly found friendship on the down low. I have witnessed and been introduced to the bets that are being taken on our behalf. Half the school is involved and it would really be rude to ruin their fun. These talks went on for the first month. I decided that this isn't what friends do, they talk at lunch, in classes, they say hello in the corridors, we didn't do any of that. So one morning I decided to wait for Lily after our talks so we could walk down to breakfast together.

I knew that she waited at least ten minutes after I left, before she left. So when I left after saying 'you look smashing this morning, see you down at breakfast', I waited just outside the Portrait hole reading my homework assignment. Like clockwork she came out and apparently noticed me right away, but with her always double checking, she did a double look.

"I was waiting for you," I said after knowing for sure that she knew I was there. She was talking away from me, almost as if she wanted to lose me. Like that was going to happen.

"Why?" Ouch, she is very sexy when she questions, she gets this look in her eye and…it's amazing, trust me.

"Because I wanted to talk to you." I never thought of what I was going to say before hand, so that was the best I could come up with.

"We just talked for five minutes."

"Come on Lils, five minutes?" She had to answer to that. This question did not have a brush off answer.

She stopped at turned to face me. "Look James. I really enjoy our talks, I do, but that's why we have them, so we can avoid each other the rest of the day. It's our system."

"Sorry James, I have to go."

And she walked away. We were friends, well friends mentally, but I guess not physically, or I guess in her mind not at all. Did this month mean nothing to her? It meant the world to me. I lost hours of sleep trying to think up of stuff that I can say to her that will make her laugh, make her smile…and now that was over? Well I'll be damned if I let her walk away from me. I started to run after her. With her excellent sense of time, the breakfast rush was out, so it was very easy to lose a short red-head in the crowd. My eye caught a glimpse of red, and then it disappeared. I looked over in the direction in which I thought I saw it and saw Sirius pulling someone up from the floor. It was her. The crowd was going against me and it was very hard to push my way past so by the time I got to the stop where they stood, they were gone.

I was going to kill Sirius. The whole incident of his kissing booth and trying to kiss Lily came into my head and I picked up my pass in trying to find them. I first looked in the Great Hall, maybe she was tripped and he was just helping her to breakfast. They weren't in there, so I picked up a piece of toast and left. I checked the corridor that was the closest to where I last saw them and then went into all of the rooms. They were no where. I was coming on the last door when I heard Sirius' voice.

"Leave if you want Lily. The only place that you won't run into James is here."

The footsteps coming towards the door stopped, I assumed that it was Lily.

"I was only kidding. You can go. Actually it's not an option. You have to go, if James catches us in here, we're as good as dead."

What were they doing in there that I didn't want to see? Then it clicked. She wanted to get away from me to see Sirius, to go hook up with him in some classroom. Lily has more class than that. The footsteps continued toward the door, and then it opened. Lily's face was streaked with tears and my face was no welcome party.

"Lily, why are you in there with Sirius?" I contained my anger.

She opened her mouth and then shut it, like a fish out of water.

"Lily, what the fuck were you doing in there with Sirius?"

I was pissed.

Again she opened her mouth and closed it, no explanation came out. My eyes grew and I pushed past Lily to get to Sirius. He was unaware that I was coming up behind him, and I really didn't care. I reached him; grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. My free hand was clenched into a fist and flew into Sirius, my best mates, right cheek bone.

"Bloody hell James," Sirius staggered back, his hand whipping the non-existent blood away from his face. I stepped back from him, hoping that was enough to get him to confess to what he was doing, but then I remembered, Sirius never turns down a fight. He lunged at my throat. The next five, ten minutes were a blur. All I knew was that Sirius was going something down here with Lily that he didn't want me to find out about. That was enough for me to hit him. That was the only time I ever hit Sirius. I came too, in a sense when Lily shoved me up against a wall. This was my time to get it out of her.

"Is this why you couldn't talk? You had to come down here and shag Sirius?"

She slapped me for that. I could have deserved it if I was wrong.

"We were just talking James." Like hell she was.

"Like hell you were."

Tears poured out of her eyes.

"James, we were just talking."

I glared at her.

"James please."

I pushed her off of me and walked out of the classroom. I didn't look back.

* * *

Hey!

Here is is, a part of Chapter five, my favourite partI might add, and don't be fooled by what you read, it is just a small part of a chapter!

--Jill

**Chapter Five**

**Lily**

James did not come easily. He cursed the entire way out into the Entrance Hall. When the door was completely shut I released him.

"Bloody hell Evans!"

"Bloody hell yourself Potter."

He looked taken back for a moment and then remembered he wasn't talking to me and started to walk away.

"Potter if you walk away for me I swear-"

"What? You'll go and shag Black? Evans you have more class than that."

He stopped suddenly, as if he said something he was not supposed to, and then looked defeated.

"Class?" I asked, "how would you know anything about class Potter? The last I saw you were snogging Emmiline in the broom closet."

I knew that I was sinking down to his level, but if I was going to get my point across, it had to be done.

"Evans, don't start."

"Start what? The list of women you have seduced in the last year? Hardly Potter, that would take me until I am old and grey, and would be a huge waste of my time."

James looked murderous at this point. Incredibly sexy.

"Evans!"

"Potter!"

He walked towards me with such speed I hardly knew he was moving at all until I was nose to nose with him.

"Don't tempt me," he whispered.

"What is there to tempt you with? Do I have a prank spell written across chest that I do not know about?"

He looked down. Not at my chest, at the floor - but stopped at my chest on the way.

"Did you only pull me out here to mock me?"

"No, I want you to talk to Sirius."

The only way to get James Potter to listen to you was to outsmart him. Something that came very easily to me since I did do it in ever class.

"I can't."

"And why not?"

He looked confused, and struggled for words.

"James, we never did anything."

* * *

I need some ...? Anyone? Anyone? Reviews. Why do I need them? Anyone? Anyone? Because I adore them.


	6. Chapter 5

Ha! All done! Finally after forever I finished, 5 months I much too long. I promise, or try to, get the next chapter up quicker. If the last part seems extremely terrible I am so v. sorry and I will change it when I get an inspiration, or a muse… So please enjoy. Sorry for all the mistakes.

And I seemed to have lost my beta. If anyone has found her, please let me know. Or if anyone would like to be mine, please let me know as well. Thanks!

Jill

**_Rating_**: _M for Mature. Some language, innuendos and just all around mature themes._

**_Disclaimer_**: _I love J.K Rowling. And I do not take credit for things that people I love wrote. Therefore, everything is hers and hers only. P.S I also lover her for choosing Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter._

**Chapter Five**

**Lily**

'_Something's lost, but something's gained'_

That was the last I saw of James for a while. Out of habit I waited by the fireplace every morning, but he was getting accustomed to not showing up, and I was beginning to think he would never speak to me again. After a couple of weeks of him avoiding me, I realized that I cared. I cared about the egotistical James Potter who I hated so very much. I had waited so long for this very thing to happen, that I never knew what to do when I was left alone. Right now I thought I would die. Our talks were small, sure, and border line boring, but they seriously meant the world to me. When it started, I never thought that it would, but it does, it did. That was over, I thought James would never look at me again, let alone speak to me. I also realized that if he was doing this to me, and I barely knew him, what was it doing to Sirius? He must have been in hell, ever since I can remember where there was James, there was Sirius. I wanted to talk to Sirius, but I had a feeling that being anywhere near him would piss off James further. I hated it.

Frick

I let him in. I let him into my head. He didn't know he was in, James, that is, if he did know I would have been in a broom closet with him. What happened to my plans, my seventy-five fool proof plans to get James Potter to leave me the hell alone? Those were out the window, forever. And as I feared he was slowly making his way to my heart.

It was a week from Halloween and James sat in his usual spot at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall; usual meaning where he had sat since his fight with Sirius. He sat with Remus, who was across from Sirius. Some may have thought that since those two were having a row that James or Sirius would have gone off with other friends this was not the case, they both had too much damn pride to leave the Marauders.

"Pass the salt please, Peter," James said glaring at Sirius.

"But James, Sirius is closer to it, get him to pass it to you," Peter said, not talking his eyes off his food.

"Peter, tell James, I will not pass the salt unless he tells me why the hell he attacked me!"

"Peter, tell Sirius that I do not need the salt because I would rather eat my own foot than have something that he touched!"

"Peter, tell James that he better lay off Lily then!"

I was listening into the conversation before, but at the mentioning of my name, I knew that I had to do something. It was a good thing I was planning on intervening because Remus and Peter could not stop what was coming.

James stood up with such force that the bench he had been sitting on flew back a few inches. No great feat with a lone person on the bench sure, but there were a good dozen people who were not expecting their stable seat to move any time. So this alone caused an uproar. This incident was repeated when Sirius did the same thing, proving that one did not need to participate in Qudditich to gain such muscles, but Qudditich always did help. James reached for his wand and Sirius reached for the salt shaker and his wand. I got up from my seat and hurried over before too much could be done by the Professors and dragged James out of the Great Hall by his ear. Remus and Peter were thankful, for they were now able to successfully control one without so much as worrying about the other.

James did not come easily. He cursed the entire way out into the Entrance Hall. When the door was completely shut I released him.

"Bloody hell Evans!"

"Bloody hell yourself Potter."

He looked taken back for a moment and then remembered he wasn't talking to me and started to walk away.

"Potter if you walk away for me I swear-"

"What? You'll go and shag Black? Evans you have more class than that."

He stopped suddenly, as if he said something he was not supposed to, and then looked defeated.

"Class?" I asked, "How would you know anything about class Potter? The last I saw you were snogging Emmaline in the broom closet."

I knew that I was sinking down to his level, but if I was going to get my point across, it had to be done.

"Evans, don't start."

"Start what? The list of women you have seduced in the last year? Hardly Potter, that would take me until I am old and grey, and would be a huge waste of my time."

James looked murderous at this point. Incredibly sexy.

"Evans!"

"Potter!"

He walked towards me with such speed I hardly knew he was moving at all until I was nose to nose with him.

"Don't tempt me," he whispered.

"What is there to tempt you with? Do I have a prank spell written across chest that I do not know about?"

He looked down. Not at my chest, at the floor - but stopped at my chest on the way.

"Did you only pull me out here to mock me?"

"No, I want you to talk to Sirius."

The only way to get James Potter to listen to you was to outsmart him. Something that came very easily to me since I did do it in ever class.

"I can't."

"And why not?"

He looked confused, and struggled for words.

"James, we never did anything."

He looked up slightly under his eyelashes, still struggling for words. After a few seconds he seemed to have found his bearing and smirked.

"I know, I just wanted to get you back for what you did on the train. Ta Lily darling!"

With that he strode up the staircase and vanished behind a tapestry.

I was frozen against the wall. How did he do that? I was thinking that I was in total control over the situation and conversation and then he pulled out a boom shell like that. I learnt something about James Potter that day. That no matter who you are or what you did to him to cause him some sort of pain or embarrassment, he will get revenge. I had a brief idea of this before that incident, but I didn't know to what extent he would go. Clearly James did not have his head in the right place. Any man who would willingly fight with his best mate for a girl was certainly off his rocker and needed a one way ticket to St. Mungos.

That night James and Sirius were back to normal. This was a strange sight not just to me, but to most of the population. It was two weeks since they fought and since then, they did not so much as look at each other let alone play Exploding Snap.

I don't think James was the only one who was off his rocker in that group. In my opinion, they all were. Who in their right mind would let their friend get into a fight to get back at a girl and not tell the girl who is beating herself up for causing the fight? That's just cruel.

That day, two weeks ago, James never noticed I was crying, well I hoped that he didn't. And I hoped that Sirius wouldn't tell him. By that time I knew that Sirius had both of us figured out, but I would be damned if he knew that he knew everything there was about the situation. Sirius and I never talked after that, partly because I didn't want James to get into another fight.

Sirius was laughing with James when he looked up from his game. I caught his eye and motioned for him outside. Sirius nodded to James and left the game. I was waiting just outside the portrait hole when Sirius came through.

We just stood there and stared at each other for a while.

"Did you know?"

Sirius looked up from his shoes. "Lily, I didn't know what to do, he's my best mate, he's a brother-"

"So you knew."

"No, it's not like that. He was mad at me, he was even more so at you. We talked about a week ago and he told me he wanted to do this, I couldn't just stop him."

I ran a hand through my hair; the bad habit was catching on.

"Lily, you know James with pranks and all, he's competitive, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you pulled that stunt on the train."

I thought for a moment. Sirius was right. I knew James was going to get me back. I let my guard down, it was a fair play. Point to James.

"I know Sirius. Can you just tell James something for me?"

Sirius nodded.

I took a deep breath; I had been dancing around this idea since I started talking to Sirius.

"This means war."

The seventy-five detailed plans were not kept in my head, they were all neatly arranged in a navy blue journal that my mother had given me for my birthday a couple of years ago. I doubt she wanted me to use it for this. For the first time (actually second, if you want to get technical) I thought of that book. It would now be put to use.

James had gotten too close. Way too close. I guess there was a part of me that wanted him to, that wanted him to forgive and forget and possibly get along. This dream ended the day he left me in the Entrance Hall.

I surprised myself for being so forward with Sirius that night. I guess the talk we had (which I now named The Talk) had cleared up a few barriers with us; I was now semi comfortable around him. This isn't saying a lot because most girls are comfortable around him enough to take off their shirts. But that's not giving him much credit; the girls he dates are such tarts.

Anyways, I had a feeling that my plans would be used a lot in the next couple of weeks, or months.

That night I reviewed my plans. I was lucky; I remembered most of them and how to pull them off. Then after going through my Journal, I realized that this is how the Marauders must feel when they were planning a prank. That lead me to thinking of James, and I remembered that I was not supposed to remember I, deep down, very deep down, was in love with him.

The next morning, to my great advantage, there was a spot open next to James. Let the games begin.

"Morning James!"

He did a double take. Once confirming I was not an illusion, he smiled.

"Morning luv."

"Listen James, I just wanted to tell you that I have no hard feelings over what happened yesterday."

He raised an eyebrow. "That's mature of you Lily. But I thought that Sirius said you claimed war."

I laughed. "Oh James, you really shouldn't believe everything you hear from Sirius."

He laughed. "Oh and why is that? I have no reason not to believe what he says."

I smiled. I could see him melt. I leant closer, my cheek right beside his.

"I guess you don't James. I'll see you in class."

I slowly got up, holding my position to his cheek for the longest time possible before drawing away. In fact, when it was time for me to draw away, I found it very hard to do so. He smells really good.

Once I found my way back to reality, I figured that part one of my three part plan was complete. To have this plan work out to its full potential, I needed him to trust me. I wasn't quite there yet, I could see it in his eyes. No, we weren't there yet. I needed to have his full complete trust, something I didn't even have when we were on decent terms. This plan would take some time.

**James**

'_From win and lose'_

I lied. I am a very good liar. Sirius is the only one who can tell the difference between my whole lies and half truths. I lied through my teeth during that fight. So did Sirius. No one gets James Potter without feeling the wrath, even if the person feeling the wrath was the vixen herself, Lily Evans. And it wasn't like I was causing her any emotional damage, if anything I was testing her to see if she really liked me.

I am not heartless, no matter what Miss. Evans has ever said, I did feel bad. I had to drag all the rest of the Marauders into my twisted little plot and they too had to lie to her. It was hard for Remus. I assumed he avoided her as much as possible so he wouldn't have to lie. The worst part was that Sirius played a bigger role than I did in this. He had to get her into a room…alone.

I did feel bad. My plan was just to leave her with Sirius, and then I would catch them. I had no idea she would basically tell me to piss off just as my plan was starting to unfold. That one stung. I had no idea that Sirius had made her cry. To be completely honest I didn't care what she was feeling that day. I had my mind set on revenge. She cried. Later I found out that it was all over me.

She liked me.

I know she did. She couldn't hide that from me. When she had me up against the wall, I knew she wasn't lying like I was. That's when I first saw it. There was a tear that was rolling down her cheek that cried out James. Not Potter, no what ever foul name she had called me over the last six years, but James. That hurt. That hurt knowing that I was pulling this on her, and she had no idea. She was being honest, she was being herself. And I was being myself, a prat.

I am a slave to my ego, to my plans. I had to follow through or else my reputation would be eternally damaged. How would my children live with such a name? So I started to pick on Sirius at breakfast.

"Pass the salt please, Peter."

"But James, Sirius is closer to it, get him to pass it to you." Peter's a prat. He must have forgotten the plan.

"Peter, tell James, I will not pass the salt unless he tells me why the hell he attacked me!"

"Peter, tell Sirius that I do not need the salt because I would rather eat my own foot than have something that he touched!"

"Peter, tell James that he better lay off Lily then!"

Very nice Sirius ol' pal. He was always an excellent player at our insulting banter game. I constantly wonder how Slytherins ever get a word out edge wise. For effect I stood up, I assume everyone thought I was going to hit him. Never, I would never hit Padfoot unless he truly deserved it, or he was flirting with my girlfriend. Sirius stood up as well, grabbing his wand and the salt shaker as I grabbed mine. Wand.

The next think I knew I was being dragged out of the Great Hall by my ear. That hasn't happened since I was like five! Who had enough balls to drag James Potter, Infamous Marauder out of the Great Hall by his ear? The one and only Lily Evans of course. And I must say, I enjoyed every moment of it.

When we were safely away from people in the Entrance Hall she let me go. It was time to put on my best acting face.

"Bloody hell Evans!"

"Bloody hell yourself Potter."

Wow, she was cheeky. I love cheeky women. Well not cheeky women, cheeky Lily, I love cheeky Lily's. I turned to walk away.

"Potter if you walk away for me I swear-"

"What? You'll go and shag Black? Evans you have more class than that."

Two could play at that game. I can be cheeky too. But maybe I was rubbing this in too much. I was and am an asshole, which should probably change.

"Class?" She asked, "How would you know anything about class Potter? The last I saw you were snogging Emmaline in the broom closet."

Ouch. That one hurt. How did she know about Emmaline? I didn't see her. In all honesty I was a bit preoccupied. She was a six. I suggested her to Sirius or Sirius to her. I had a meeting with him later on and he agreed.

"Evans, don't start."

"Start what? The list of women you have seduced in the last year? Hardly Potter, that would take me until I am old and grey, and would be a huge waste of my time."

Amazing! How come I have never done this with her before! She is absolutely fascinating! She is killing me! No one has the balls to say this stuff to my face! I thought, right then and there, I found my soul mate.

"Evans!"

"Potter!"

I couldn't take it. If she said one more thing to me I would throw her up against the wall and shag her senseless. If you were in my position you would do the same. But I had to warn her. It wouldn't be very gentlemanly if I didn't.

"Don't tempt me."

"What is there to tempt you with? Do I have a prank spell written across chest that I do not know about?"

Did she? No. Damn.

"Did you only pull me out here to mock me?"

"No, I want you to talk to Sirius."

She wanted me to talk to Sirius…if she only knew.

"I can't."

"And why not?"

I think I might have to tell her… in a nice way…I did think of doing it nicely, but I was in for the revenge. There was no time to be nice.

"James, we never did anything."

She was in for it. Did I mention I still had her semi-pinned against the wall?

"I know, I just wanted to get you back for what you did on the train. Ta Lily darling!"

I had the urge to kiss her then. She looked so kissable. But I decided that if I did in fact kiss her, she would have bitten me. In a bad way. So I turned around, jogged up the stairs and disappeared into the secret passage way.

Like I said, you have to believe me when I said that I felt bad. I really did. I still do. She didn't deserve that. On the train she was just using her womanly assets to her advantage and I just happened to fall for them. It was the natural way of things. Women are the seducers of men. Who ever thought that men were ever in charge should take a look at Lily Evans. Any man in their right mind would lay down whatever they have to give her what ever she wants. I would have, if I realized it.

So that night I told the rest of the guys that the game was over, and that Remus could stop avoiding her. He was thrilled. Sirius looked different though. He looked almost like I did. He looked guilty.

"You looked like you ate a cat."

Sirius smiled a little and continued looking into the fire. "I feel funny."

"You feel guilty."

"Funny."

"Guilty."

"Whatever, just how does it go away?"

"Talk to Lily."

"Are you going to?"

"Eventually, but I'm not the one worried about my funny feeling."

Sirius smiled. "You're funny feeling isn't guilt mate, and that's a fact."

He got up and walked over to mantel.

"You're in love with her."

"Am not." It was a gut reaction.

"Are too and don't deny it."

I laughed. "How do you know about love? You have never been in love."

He smiled, "maybe not, but I can tell you are."

I sighed, it was the first, or second time that I occurred to me that I might be in love.

"So what if I am?"

"Just like my guilt, you need to talk to her."

"Guilt can not be compared to love. They are two completely different things."

"How so? Guilt you deny through your teeth, same with love. Guilt makes your stomach twist into knots, so does love. Guilt makes you do crazy thinks-"

"Yes, yes and so does love. I get your point."

Then it hit me.

"You lied."

"Never could get one past you mate. You up for some Exploding Snap?"

Only with Sirius, I loved him for it.

"Of course."

A while later Lily came into the common room looking rather dishevelled. Sirius caught her eye.

"Time to rid myself of this guilt, I suggest you do the same with love."

He got up and left behind her.

He came back surprisingly quickly. And with no visible injuries. He sat back down across from me.

"So?"

"So what?"

Sirius slowly smiled.

"She likes you mate."

"Be serious."

"Oh but I am, she didn't say it. She's a lot like you."

I leaned back in my chair. Evans, THE Lily Evans fancies me? I had gone mad.

"If you will excuse me Prongs, I must retire; it has been a trying day."

And as he reached the bottom step he turned around.

"By the way mate, she said that this means war."

I leaned back on my chair again and put my hands behind my head. It didn't take a genius to see from that statement that she fancied me.

The next morning, I didn't quite know what to expect. Had Lily been joking? Or did she really want a full out war on me, in which case I would lose. I can start a war with women, it was just unnecessary.

"Morning James!"

Was that Lily? I take it she wasn't joking, let the games begin.

"Morning luv."

"Listen James, I just wanted to tell you that I have no hard feelings over what happened yesterday."

Always like Lily to make the first move.

"That's mature of you Lily. But I thought that Sirius said you claimed war."

She laughed. "Oh James, you really shouldn't believe everything you hear from Sirius."

"Oh and why is that? I have no reason not to believe what he says."

She smiled. I melted. She moved in and whispered in my ear.

"I guess you don't James. I'll see you in class."

I would not be seeing her in class for the simple reason of me taking a long cold shower.


End file.
